jumia

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

I'm A Graduate

I needed to pick up something at Onitsha, so I decided to go down to the park, and board a vehicle. On getting there, I noticed a 7 seater Sienna and a bus, loading at the same time. Each vehicle, had just one passenger in them.
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The bus driver charged a hundred and fifty naira, while the Sienna driver charged two hundred naira. I looked at both vehicles. The Sienna looked more presentable and comfortable, compared to the bus that is an 18 seater. Kai... but the bus is cheap o.😂😂😂

Well, I decided to pay for the Sienna. My village people will not open my interior inside the public of igwe mmadu, because of 50 naira difference. On no account! Lemme join the Sienna team joor. Sienna lo sure ju!😂😂
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The passenger in the front seat, was a Chosen Mopo. Don't doubt me. Her lemon green apron and black scarf, sold her out. Very cheaply!
As we were chilling, two men carrying a bag of rice, came and joined us. They dropped their bag of rice in the vehicle's booth and entered. I was glad. Three more passengers to go. Then the driver came and dashed my hopes.

"  Onitsha by Sienna bu kwa 200 hundred naira o. No be 150. Na 200! Onye obuna  jidekwa change."
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Before I could say Jack, these two men had jumped down from our almighty Sienna, grabbed their bag of rice, and dumped it in the bus. I looked and noticed they were murmuring. From their discussion, the 200 naira T-fare, was like a million naira to them. They would rather die than lose 50 naira.😃😃
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I kept faith just like the Chosen Mopo woman, and earnestly prayed our vehicle gets filled up fast. As I ended my prayers, One Aunty came and joined our vehicle. She asked about the price, I told her. She dropped her bag on one of the seats in our Sienna, and stood at the entrance of the vehicle.
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Just then, the driver appeared again. " Onitsha by Sienna bu kwa 200 card o. Madam biko enter motor. No dey block road for other passengers. Enter motor. We go soon commot. Ehen! wey your money?"

Aunty lost it. " Which money? Motor don full? Abeg I go pay you. Make passenger dey come first. I never wan pay now." After talking, Aunty shifted from the entrance of the vehicle to its front door. Chosen Mopo was reading her bible. She cared less.

As we were all waiting , four other passengers came and joined the bus. Aunty became uncomfortable. She waited for some seconds, then picked her bag and went to sit in the bus. I felt really bad.
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Then again, two guys came and joined our Sienna. Aunty noticed our progress and rushed out of the bus, back into the Sienna. Hian! Wahala!😂😂😂

We waited for some minutes, nobody came. Then three people came and joined the bus. Apparently 200 naira really sounded like 200 million to anyone who cared to ask.😂😂
Aunty noticed the bus was having more people in it. This time, She dropped her bag on one of the seats and went to sit in the bus.
"Sister, I dey here o. "She shouted to me, as she left.
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Another woman joined the bus. Aunty came down, picked her bag from our Sienna and went back to the bus.😃😃🤣
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Another fine girl like me came along, and entered team Sienna.  Our driver started shouting: " Onitsha by Sienna, two to go! Two lucky chance. 200 naira only!!!"
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Aunty left her bag in the bus, came down, and stood in between the bus and the Sienna.  Another person joined the bus. Aunty noticed, but this time, she held her ground. Though it was obviously shaky.😂😂
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One other guy joined team Sienna and our driver intensified his shouting. " Onitsha !!! One lucky chance!!"
Yipee! Way to go!! Team Sienna!💪💪💪
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Aunt ran back to the bus picked her bag, and came and completed our Sienna. Yet, our driver kept shouting One Lucky chance, upandan. Aunty became disturbed. She started asking rhetorical questions.

" Kekwaanu ife o na e ti nu One chance One chance ehn? Motor e jugo nu na. Driver biko, bia na m ego a. Coman collect your money."😂😂
For where!!! Our driver kept shouting his one lucky chance o.😂😂
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Eventually, we saw him coming with one Oga laidat. On getting to the bus, Aunty handed him a 500 naira note, and demanded for change. The next thing we heard was ;
"Madam li tuo na motor a, before m mapu gi anya here!''😂
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Apparently, our driver was a child of anger. Who would have thought???😂😂  Aunty flared up and rained abuses on him. Our driver who also was a man of few words, held Aunty tightly, and dragged her out of the vehicle. Aunty went raving mad.
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" Useless man! Wife beater! Illiterate! Your mate dey office dey earn money. You dey road dey drive. Illiterate wey no go school!"😂😂😂

While she busied herself regaling our driver with assorted abuses, the bus was getting filled up. The driver started shouting; " Two lucky chance!!!"
When Aunty noticed, she grabbed her bag and made for the bus. Then the bus driver halted her in her tracks. He advised her to patiently wait for the next bus, or go else where. Aunty couldn't believe her ears.

" Abeg make una epp me see this two illiterates wey no get respect for woman o. Useless men! Una no get sense! Na the school wey una no go, dey disturb una.I am not in your level! I am a graduate!"😄😄

" Commot for here! This mad woman. No motor for this park go carry you. Na only you go school sef? My four children are graduates. Na this driving work I carry train them. Them no dey do like animal. Your own graduate be like say e different o.
Ehn... I no go school, but I don build house wey me and my family dey live. I don even build one for my village, with this my driver work. Wetin you get? Graduate wey dey craze. Commot for here!" The bus driver screamed at her.

After much pleas, our driver got into our vehicle, and drove off. The bus followed behind.
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I am a graduate! I am a graduate! 
Nigerians can fit intimidate with that comment ehn!!! And I will never understand why.😂😂

Most victims of these self acclaimed graduates are usually cleaners, cyclists, drivers, helps, gate men, auto mechanics, etc. Have it ever occurred to you that these people could be graduates too? The country is hard you know?

Get the fuck off your high horse!

Believe you me, People who brag with this Graduate senrenre after messing up, have nothing to offer aside their "graduate status"
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See ehn, School gives you bragging rights not sense. Not even money. Sometimes, not class sef. Just bragging rights.

Just because you were bumped to first chair in the orchestra, doesn't mean you can compose a symphony.

In other words... gracing the four walls of a university, doesn't guarantee intelligence.  Passing six is not passing sense mbok.
Intelligence is never measured by the number of academic qualifications one possesses . We could to an EXTENT, measure brilliance with it, but intelligence? Mba kwa o!
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You can still be very stupid and brainless, even with your Cambridge certificate. You better put your dry graduate egoistic self together, lets see road.😏😏

I'm a graduate. Your'e a graduate. Dangote just employed my cousin who has a masters degree, and Buhari is still your president. He's even chilling in London, while recession and heat is tanning you in Nigeria. 🤔🤔🤔

Maybe you and your smelling graduate self, should go chew on that!
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By the way, sleep has eluded their grandmother. Who did I offend?

Written by Penocrat Ayomide Ugonna.