jumia

Monday, February 13, 2017

Public Display of Valentine Love

1. This idea that there is something wrong, distasteful or bad about talking about the person you love or sharing pictures/moments of you&your lover/spouse/partner on social media is something I cannot fully grasp.

The notion that the authenticity of a relationship is in the hiding or silence is not necessarily true.. That you choose to keep your relationship away from the public does not confer longevity, durability or authenticity. And that another flaunts their relationship does not connote fickle-ness or a lack of substance.

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2. I have once shared here that you don't need the world to witness what you share with the person you love to validate what you both have. You don't owe anyone a 'showing' of your relationship. Your relationship is no less genuine because you both keep it away from social media.

Your relationship is not invalid or lacking because your spouse does not put you out here for the world to see or sing your praises before thousands of people. And especially in our generation, it is necessary to talk about issues of privacy and expectations in our relationship. Get to know if your partner is a private person. Also get to understand how sharing/over-sharing can create issues of vulnerability between the both of you.

N/B. There is a difference between secrecy and privacy.‎

If your relationship is threatened by your partner's non-participation in a public show of love for you especially on social media, that should tell you that you need to work on finding security and strengthening what you both have offline. Your spouse does not have to flaunt you everywhere to validate your relationship. Revel and be confident in the knowledge of what you both have and nothing else matters.

There was a time I once felt this obsession and entitlement that my partner must say flowery things about me or show me off on social media but then I came to the realisation that he doesn't have to. His actions and the strength of what we have is enough. I did not need to be his Woman Crush Wednesday, or made his profile picture or talked about or anything to feel secure in what we share.

I also knew that there was nothing wrong if he made a public proclamation of his love for me. That's just an extra spice in the meal. We can do without it. As long as we're happy, in love, at peace, growing, glowing, blossoming and finding calm in each other, the externals are just an addition.

I love the idea of balance. Let the social media proclamations not be a compensation or an attempt to supplement the real thing. Social media should not be a quick fix for an ailing relationship or a camouflage. You don't need to convince anyone that your relationship is beautiful.

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3. A few weeks ago, I read an article frowning at women who put up their pregnancy pictures on social media. The article called it immature and bad-luck. She also said it showed lack of consideration for people who struggle with conceiving or who have suffered a loss of some sort. Simply put, the article stated that women who show off their baby bumps are selfish.

I really don't understand but why make others feel guilty of their blessings and happiness? In other words, people should guard and hide their joy so it doesn't offend others? People should no longer enjoy their blessings just because it makes another person uncomfortable? Because I have teeth to shine and another doesn't mean I should not smile? Where do we draw the line with that?

If you feel 'irrational' envy and anger when people share their good times, the problem is with you not them. The cure is not theirs to carry. You need to fix yourself by yourself.

Let people be happy and do what makes them happy. Let them share their joy with the world. And even if those joys are shortlived (miscarriages breakup, etc.), there is nothing wrong with that. Life happens to all of us.

Tomorrow, let people show love to their loved ones. Don't try to taint or spoil their joy/moments with your words, philosophies, predictions, anger etc. Let those who want to show off their partners, do just that. Love is a beautiful thing, and it deserves to be put on a hill and celebrated loudly too.