Sunday, February 26, 2017

On the Xenophobic Attacks against Nigerians in South Africa

By Pius Adesanmi

A friend asked me today why I have not weighed in on the recent wave of xenophobic attacks against Nigerians in South Africa.

I told him that I am not indifferent to the situation. On the contrary, I've been monitoring it quite closely. It's just that I've written condemnations and analyses during every wave and cycle of violence against Nigerians and other "foreigners" (read: black African immigrants, never Europeans or white immigrants) by our friends in South Africa that I feel that everything I have written about that open sore of a continent (apologies to WS) remains valid.

I told my friend that I was recently told by an elderly South African colleague who admires my work a lot and has invited me a few times in the past for lectures in South Africa that they would love to have me over again this summer but it breaks that person's heart that this is no time to contemplate inviting a Nigerian academic as the xenophobic sentiment is so toxic - even in academe.

My South African colleague would not want to expose me to such shame and the consequences both psychological and emotional for me. We agreed that I would come at a more auspicious time. Whining about being disinvited for a lecture doesn't of course come close to the real life situations that our brothers and sisters are facing down there.

Imagine what Nigerians on the ground yonder are going through...

I have not been indifferent. I am just numb. Besides, I have been reading and quietly endorsing Gimba Kakanda's commentary on the situation at 99%. The 1% I am withdrawing from him is only because there are times I encounter a thought here and a word there and I chuckle and say to myself: "Gimba is holding this fanciful opinion or is imagining things along these lines because he probably has never been to SA." In the main, he has been offering brilliant perspectives.

My brother, Abdul Mahmud, also weighed in today with recommendations that I fully endorse. Abdul recommends the following immediate measures:

"1) Recall our High Commissioner in South Africa; 2) Withdraw accreditation to SA High Commissioner to Nigeria; 3) Close down Nigeria's High Commission and begin earnest evacuation of Nigerians in South Africa; 4) Close or nationalize South Africa investments in Nigeria."

However, Abdul's recommendations are predicated on the assumption that a 21st-century state exists in Abuja which understands that the first moral justification for the existence of a state is the ability to move mountains because of the life of a single citizen.

I gave up on the Nigerian state in terms of her perception of the value of the life of a citizen about six years ago when Somalian pirates hijacked a Nigerian boat and took the crew hostage. Because they are used to kidnapping Europeans and Americans and immediately getting the attention of states worried about their citizens, the Somalians had expected somebody in Abuja to be bothered about their Nigerian hostages. They learned a very serious lesson: a Nigerian has no hostage value because no state really worries about him.

After detaining the Nigerians for more than three months, the Somalians cut their losses and freed them. It was not economically viable to hold on to and continue to feed hostages nobody in Abuja was asking about. Even the US State Department made some perfunctory noise about the Nigerian hostages at the time. Not Abuja.

That is why this nonsense has persisted for so long in South Africa. Apart from diplomatese and whining and issuing perfunctory statements and meetings between Abike Dabiri and the South African High Commissioner to Nigeria, there is really nothing concrete that Abuja has done. But can a state which pointedly refuses to do anything about the sanctity of life domestically - Southern Kaduna, Agatu, and Enugu previously - do anything externally?

Nigeria has the capacity to practically shut down South Africa's economy. Do something drastic to South Africa's immense economic assets in Nigeria to show that you mean business and they will receive sense in Johannesburg and Pretoria.

Gimba Kakanda is always retailing Nigeria's long history of investment in the anti-apartheid struggle. Unknown to him, we did more than pump funds into that struggle. We did more than offer University scholarships to black South Africans during the Apartheid era. We even declared African juju war on Apartheid as Olusegun Obasanjo mobilized Nigeria to deploy juju against President Pieter Botha in the late 1980s. A desperate African situation called for a desperate African solution and President Obasanjo called for Nigeria's national use of juju against Apartheid!

Until Abuja values the life of the Nigerian the way modern states value the life of a citizen, there will always be the sentiment across the continent that a Nigerian can be treated anyhow.

When my American friends mouth patriotism and do all their star spangled banner talk, I chuckle in amusement. Patriotism in America, Canada or Europe is easy. Why will you not be patriotic? Why will you not love a country which always has your back and will not hesitate to mobilize seals and tanks to secure the life of a single citizen in danger abroad?

American patriotism is easy because the state has your back when your life is in jeopardy.

Nigerian patriotism is superior patriotism. Despite all our differences, we are passionate and obsess about a state that does not have our back. Being patriotic to a state that doesn't give a rat's ass about your life is the real deal.

Abuja does everything to tell you that you are on your own.

Abuja does not value your life.

Yet you persist in your passion for Nigeria. That is superior patriotism. Being patriotic to Nigeria is morally superior.

If you ask me, I wish Nigerians in South Africa were stateless.

If they were stateless, the UN, Human Rights Watch, and Amnesty International would take up their cause and do far more about their plight in South Africa than Abuja is currently doing.

So long as there is the illusion of a state in Abuja, international human rights organizations will not come to the rescue of Nigerians in South Africa. For our compatriots in Azania, it is double wahala.

Friday, February 17, 2017

Acting President Yemi Osibanjo's Mum Turns 84 Today

The mother of Nigeria's Acting President Professor Yemi Osinbajo turns 84 today. Drop your wishes...

Happy birthday ma.

Monday, February 13, 2017

Public Display of Valentine Love

1. This idea that there is something wrong, distasteful or bad about talking about the person you love or sharing pictures/moments of you&your lover/spouse/partner on social media is something I cannot fully grasp.

The notion that the authenticity of a relationship is in the hiding or silence is not necessarily true.. That you choose to keep your relationship away from the public does not confer longevity, durability or authenticity. And that another flaunts their relationship does not connote fickle-ness or a lack of substance.

2. I have once shared here that you don't need the world to witness what you share with the person you love to validate what you both have. You don't owe anyone a 'showing' of your relationship. Your relationship is no less genuine because you both keep it away from social media.

Your relationship is not invalid or lacking because your spouse does not put you out here for the world to see or sing your praises before thousands of people. And especially in our generation, it is necessary to talk about issues of privacy and expectations in our relationship. Get to know if your partner is a private person. Also get to understand how sharing/over-sharing can create issues of vulnerability between the both of you.

N/B. There is a difference between secrecy and privacy.‎

If your relationship is threatened by your partner's non-participation in a public show of love for you especially on social media, that should tell you that you need to work on finding security and strengthening what you both have offline. Your spouse does not have to flaunt you everywhere to validate your relationship. Revel and be confident in the knowledge of what you both have and nothing else matters.

There was a time I once felt this obsession and entitlement that my partner must say flowery things about me or show me off on social media but then I came to the realisation that he doesn't have to. His actions and the strength of what we have is enough. I did not need to be his Woman Crush Wednesday, or made his profile picture or talked about or anything to feel secure in what we share.

I also knew that there was nothing wrong if he made a public proclamation of his love for me. That's just an extra spice in the meal. We can do without it. As long as we're happy, in love, at peace, growing, glowing, blossoming and finding calm in each other, the externals are just an addition.

I love the idea of balance. Let the social media proclamations not be a compensation or an attempt to supplement the real thing. Social media should not be a quick fix for an ailing relationship or a camouflage. You don't need to convince anyone that your relationship is beautiful.

3. A few weeks ago, I read an article frowning at women who put up their pregnancy pictures on social media. The article called it immature and bad-luck. She also said it showed lack of consideration for people who struggle with conceiving or who have suffered a loss of some sort. Simply put, the article stated that women who show off their baby bumps are selfish.

I really don't understand but why make others feel guilty of their blessings and happiness? In other words, people should guard and hide their joy so it doesn't offend others? People should no longer enjoy their blessings just because it makes another person uncomfortable? Because I have teeth to shine and another doesn't mean I should not smile? Where do we draw the line with that?

If you feel 'irrational' envy and anger when people share their good times, the problem is with you not them. The cure is not theirs to carry. You need to fix yourself by yourself.

Let people be happy and do what makes them happy. Let them share their joy with the world. And even if those joys are shortlived (miscarriages breakup, etc.), there is nothing wrong with that. Life happens to all of us.

Tomorrow, let people show love to their loved ones. Don't try to taint or spoil their joy/moments with your words, philosophies, predictions, anger etc. Let those who want to show off their partners, do just that. Love is a beautiful thing, and it deserves to be put on a hill and celebrated loudly too.

Sunday, February 12, 2017

What Bananas Should've Taught You About 'Fresh Content' So You Sell More Stuff

What Bananas Should've Taught You About 'Fresh Content' So You Sell More Stuff

I write for a living- it's what I do.
You could call it affiliate marketing, you could call it copywriting, you could call it sellin' yo damn shit- that's the point, you wanna sell something on the webs, you better start writing. Word.

It baffles me to see how people are always looking for "inspiration" for their blogs and shit, needing fresh content. Needing something new.

Hell yeah, you come up with something new, you make some discovery in your field- it certainly helps becoming an authority in your niche, if that's your schpiel. spiel? stipple (autocorrect?)

Hell yeah, you can buy ads and sell without being an authority like me, being 'dat underground reluctant guru'. But that's a whole different ballgame (more on that in another post)- let me get to the point.

[ TL:DR so far - writing shit is essential in online business... ]

The point being, you need fresh stuff to be noticed. And it better be damn good stuff mirite?

So here's a little 'hack' for you to use next time you're shy of truly fresh AF content - you go to wikipedia and type in: lmao amazing humans. Or something like that. You pick an important event in history everybody knows and you tie some lesson from your niche into it, that might not be new- but will SEEM like an amazing discovery:
Setting you apart from the herd who be busy just rehashing eachothers': "lol split testing is important" bullshit. For instance:

You know how actual bananas are made right? Ok. So, some really hot chick told me once those candy bananas have this flavour, that isn't quite like a real banana. You know those candy bananas right?

When those candies were first made, they were based on a different breed of bananas. That breed has gone extinct. We're now only able to buy a different variant, with a different flavour.

That breed, was just like the one we're eating today, created after cross-pollinating different banana mutations. Until one day, a seedless banana was created. (Look it up, wild bananas are full of seeds).

They got the perfect product after countless revisions- working towards what people really wanted. When you create a product, don't create a product, create a solution for something people need.

Ok, I KNOW that sounds cheezzzzy AF.  But how easy is it to tie the same story into: They guy who kept cross-pollinating bananas knew what he wanted as an end result. He had a set CPA. He kept split-testing his variations until he hit the sweet spot:

Hey guys, split testing is important!

See what I'm doing here? What I'm showing you isn't new. It's simply a slight variation of the One Weird Trick. By using a different angle, based on something completely unrelated, you create The One Weird Trick article/ad/lead magnet ...without it coming across as yet another "One Weird Way To Lose 20 Pounds In 2 Minutes".

Here's some more stuff for you guys, because I love this group:

" What This Neolithic Farmer From 12.000 BC Can Teach You About Facebook Split Testing" (vegetative cloning)

" Three Ways A Sabertooth Cat Outsmarts You In Media Buying" (targetting)

" If Fire Was Invented Today, This Is How You Could Instantly Capitalize On It" (selling something everyone needs)

" Forget Tony Robins, Your Company Should've Learned From Louis Pasteur" (preventing loss of capital etc)

Keep up that hustle. If you want to read more stuff, I also write on my instagram acccount @meesterschap ...though I don't update on a regular basis, people do seem to love the updates.


Saturday, February 11, 2017

Northern Leaders Gives Ag President Osibanjo 5 Conditions For Him To Succeed Buhari


1. The North will take over power come 2019, hence Osibanjo must not contest for Nigeria president at the expiration of Buhari’s tenure in 2019.

2. Osibanjo’s Deputy must be a Northerner and a Muslim.

3. Osibanjo must ensure that Nigeria remains one at all cost.

4. That most key positions held by Northerners under president Buhari must remain untouchable.

5. That Osibanjo must not probe notable Northern politicians who have been indicted of corrupt practices and embezzlement under Buhari’s administration.

Buhari’s Government of No Substance and Propaganda

Buhari’s Government of No Substance and Propaganda

In trying to verify the accuracy of the odd appointment letter I posted here yesterday, I discovered that President Buhari actually has 9, not 6, media aides, all of whom also have a retinue of personal aides.

The presidential media aides are Femi Adesina (Special Adviser, Media & Publicity); Garba Shehu (Senior Special Assistant, Media & Publicity); Tolu Ogunlesi (Special Assistant, Digital & New Media); Lauretta Onochie (Personal Assistant, Social Media); Bashir Ahmad (Personal Assistant, New media); Sha’aban Sharada (Personal Assistant, Broadcast Media); Naziru Muhammed (Personal Assistant, TV Documentary); Sunday Aghaeze (Personal Assistant, Photography); and Bayo Omoboriowo  (Personal Assistant/ President’s Photographer).

In addition, the president has about 40 paid journalists, bloggers, media analysts, commentators (whose names I have but will leave out for now), working under the Buhari Media Centre (BMC) in Utako, Abuja. The BMC is a well-furnished one-storey building with expansive premises. It has security guards, clerks, and cashiers. The team members are paid a monthly allowance of between N200,000 and N250,000.

They are mandated to react to all media contents critical of the president, write favorable news items for the president, and attack/demonize/smear people critical of the president.  They also work with government agencies such as the EFCC to push narratives to deflect attention from the ineptitude of the government.

They work behind the scenes and use pen names in extended articles, and pseudonyms on social media. Almost all the members of the APC Presidential Campaign Media Directorate operate from the BMC, with the exception of those with appointments. And this excludes Lai Mohammad’s well-oiled lie squad.

When a government takes propaganda and mind-management this seriously, you know it’s not ready to change. Good deeds are their own PR. It is when people determine that they don’t want to do good deeds that they resort to mindless propaganda. If only they invested and expended as much energy in managing the economy as they do in propaganda, we won’t be where we are. I have more, but I will stop here for now. By the way, that appointment letter is authentic.

People should be held accountable for what they are paid and for their jobs. Who are all these people that purport to do work as media aides to Mr. Buhari? What do they do? Clearly, not much from the chaos of communication and PR that we witness daily. And many of them are just double-faking double-dipping Machiavellis willing to sell anyone for a plot of land in Lekki.

I am amused. Ordinarily, it is not a lot of personnel for a complex country like Nigeria, it just seems like a huge patronage system and a tribe of overpaid incompetents. I would take all those media positions, fire everyone, yes, everyone and use the capacity to create a crack media team. Also, one should not have to hunt down the names of the folks, they should all be on the web, complete with working email addresses. They work for the Nigerian people, their names should be public.

I think though that in Nigeria, people don't understand conflict of interest and ethical lapses. Many Nigerian intellectuals I have interacted with are genuinely good people but look at you askance when you question their judgment. There are no structures to guide them. So, they don't understand why they can't be in the payroll of say, the APC or the PDP, and be writing faux objective pieces for The NY Times or the Guardian. Many of these youngsters were even feeding fat from both parties and fooling people with beautiful words on social media.

It is really bad. I was once on an editorial board that included a high ranking personal assistant of a sitting governor. He did not, and many on the Board did not understand why he couldn't be objective on Nigerian issues and still be on the Board while working for a governor. I left that Board but I suspect that this is how life is.

Many of us in the West look at Nigeria from Western values and norms. What is repulsive to us seems to be the new normal for Nigeria. I thank Onugo of my ancestors for the Internet and the many young men and women who have been trying to shine a light on this mess. #RESPECT

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Nigeria On My Mind

Pa Ikhide writes on President Bubu And The APC

Nigeria is on my mind. We are living in interesting times. Many years from now, historians will agree that one of the best things to ever happen to Nigeria was the election of Muhammadu Buhari as president. It is hard to find a more corrupt and hypocritical government than Buhari's in the history of Nigeria; indeed there is a collective national embarrassment at the thought that a malignant blight rules Nigeria.

This is not what Nigerians hoped for and asked for. They got duped by the APC and her PhD vuvuzelas. They in turn got duped by Buhari and now they are fighting mad. Interesting.

Let it be said that in Buhari Nigerians have learned a bitter lesson. Some would say that is wishful thinking given the lusty eagerness with which Nigerians are now cheering on the sweet words of the nouveau anti-Buharists, the loud-mouthed broken GPS vuvuzelas that landed our national lorry in the valley of despair and hopelessness.

So those that told us Buhari would be the best thing to happen to Nigeria since jollof rice are now up in arms and will not be consoled. Some are even on the ground in Nigeria begging to be mauled and arrested. Wonderful. These are the same people that worked overtime to blackmail, berate and shut up those of us who refused to drink the burukutu served up by the APC.

I salute these new social justice warriors for carrying my mantle of real change in America, especially my friends who dubbed me a broken record, for they are now the broken record, singing the same song I have been belting out every day for the past several years. There is a lesson there: If you stand up and speak the truth of your pain long enough, someone will come along to carry your burden. It still shakes me to my foundations that these new wailers, curators of Nigeria’s past bloody history truly believed that given our past, their judgment to hand over Nigeria to Buhari and his acolytes was appropriate.

To be fair, there have been some true warriors for justice, equity and transparency in Nigeria, many of them young folks. The couple of concessions Buhari's inept and clueless government has made has been due to the hard work of a few studying what little data is out there and loudly sharing their objective critiques. However, true accountability remains a real problem. We have nothing but opinions, few people are being held accountable.

No nation can survive without accountability and robust structures of governance. Our broken, dying, moribund institutions are merely symptoms of the breakdown in structures and accountability. Who will bell the cat? I daresay, not these new wailers. We have heard their songs before. And the beat goes on.

We may end up ignoring history again and avoiding this lesson but know this: Buhari's ascension to the throne of shame, his election has demystified him, all politicians, and all intellectuals (including writers) and exposed virtually all of us as self-serving rent-seekers. We are living in interesting times and one prays that our great country is greater than the machinations of the men that have held her hostage since Independence. Again, there is the hope that Nigerians have learned their lessons from this epic mistake that is the Buhari presidency; that they have carefully documented why, how and when we got to this mess. And more importantly who led us into this national quagmire.

Hope is fleeting though, perhaps a mirage. I cannot get over this tragicomedy: Those that led us into this mess, those that carefully drove our national truck into this mess, our PhD talking heads are now the ones gleefully pointing out all the potholes that they drove us into - to loud applause from the abused. Why are victims cheering their abductors? This dysfunction is what the PhDs call the Stockholm syndrome, a perverse love affair with one’s jailers and abusers.

Nigerians have been abused for too long, and I say to them: You must gain back your self-esteem. Forgive those who drove you into this hell but stay away from them. They will hurt you again. Not on purpose perhaps, but simply because they are clueless. Outside of their pretty and seductive words, they have never supervised even a dog in their lifetime, so they have no idea what it would take to run a complex country like Nigeria. You need new heroes. In fact, believe it or not, many of you cheering them on may be smarter and more experienced than their glib words may suggest. You may be the hero you seek.

Nigerians have gotten bad advice from many talking heads, the vast majority of whom live in the Diaspora and seem to have no other qualification for national service other than that they live abroad. Nigeria has suffered. It is not their fault but Nigerians seem to be suffering from a national inferiority complex. All it takes for anyone to be taken seriously these days is to write about Nigeria’s problems from abroad as in Europe and North America. Indeed it is easy to prove that virtually all the hare-brained ideas that Buhari’s hapless regime attempted to implement came from alleged thinkers who live abroad. People with PhDs abroad who would not qualify for a 3-minute slot in a community forum in their places of abode are experts on governance in Nigeria. They demand and obtain access to the highest places of the land and proceed to try to govern armed with nothing but shallow platitudes. It is easy. I have gotten access to strange and powerful places in Nigeria because someone simply said, "This is Ikhide, he is from America!" These talking heads have every right to their personal opinions but the time for bullshit is past tense.

We know now that slick pie charts and PowerPoint slides are inappropriate tools of governance. Talk is cheap. We are lazy, let's just be honest, we are. Our laziness will kill off our country. Consider this a call to action, we must kill off our communal laziness in order to save Nigeria. The time is now for structural reform. It is hard work, but we have no choice. It is time to end this culture that has turned a once-great country into a space for sloth and graft.

At some point it will become obvious that we cannot continue to live like this. This is a national crisis. Nigeria as it is currently constituted is a failed project, a broken lorry that needs a new engine and a brand new set of wheels. The center is too powerful. It is time to negotiate the terms of Nigeria's existence. It is counterintuitive but this needs to be said: Be wary of those who trot out the “One Nigeria” mantra and accuse you of "tribalism" once you begin to question the leaky, shaky, sketchy assumptions upon which Nigeria shivers. They are more than likely the real agents of nepotism using cute cloying words to protect the status quo. They feed fat from the status quo and any attempt to look at new ways of doing business threatens them and their agenda. All politics is local, Nigeria is a country of hundreds of nations; it stands to reason therefore that all power should devolve to the local. The federal government as is presently constituted is an ancient relic from ancient colonial times, it is in the wrong business and it needs to go.

Look around you. The people asking you to be patriots are hypocrites. They do not believe in your schools, your hospitals, your roads, you'd safety, security and welfare. That is why their families are abroad enjoying these things while they rule over you with the mere force of their empty words. Perhaps we need to admit that we are incapable of governing ourselves. My generation and older have failed the nation, no ifs, no buts about it, we have created lovely spaces for ourselves from which we pontificate and excite the disenfranchised. Worse, we are raising a generation of young leaders that threaten to be worse than us - they are narcissistic, self-serving and thoroughly dishonest - and poorly educated to boot. This army of locusts you will find on social media grabbing adoring followers like honey does flies. I despair that this cycle is vicious. I honestly do. But I am not there. At some point, those that are on the ground will decide, enough is enough and rise up and do what they must do to secure their present and their future from rent-seekers. It is the only way out. Who will bell the cat?

Good night.

And yes, speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.

How do you eat beans and boiled egg at the same time?

Dear Yoruba guys,

How do you eat beans and boiled egg at the same time? What is your mission?

I didn't think Tuface and two-face would appear in the same sentence, nor would Buhari and ghost...but things are changing here. Now I see beans and egg in the same plate. Is it a medical recommendation?

- Isaac Newtøn Akah


You read raw unfiltered brilliance like this and you still wonder why the book as we know it is dying? This is why Isaac Newton Akah will never be published by Random House. Imagine the kind of editing that will make an American understand the depths of this river...

"How do you eat beans and boiled egg at the same time? What is your mission?"


James Ibori, an ex convict without shame

"When you do the crime, you do the time. Ibori did his time for his crimes in the United Kingdom. I heard he was a model inmate but I saw no remorse in him when he exited the prisons. I expected him to enter Oghara quietly and issue a trite and penitent statement as a way to jumpstart his self-rehabilitation. He did none of these. Instead, he was smiling for the cameras, clenching his fists at times and waving at other times. Shame on Ibori, shame on those who hailed him and shame on all who have raped this country. Shame on all of you who set bad examples by taking advantage of your status and or position. Ibori has not answered for the crimes he committed in Nigeria. He must be made to answer. Ibori should be arrested. Nigeria must make an example of its anointed thieves or nothing will change.

Finally and for the record, a people or a culture without shame cannot stand. Nigeria’s shameless trajectory is a path to hell. No nation subsists this way. We must repudiate the Iboris in our midst. We must find our bearing and get back on track. The choice is simple and it is ours to make. We either find our way or we are lost."

- Bamidele Ademola-Olateju, waxing apoplectic over the return of the great statesman of the Delta, Elder James Onanefe Ibori.

I of course agree with every word my good friend has written, as long as she allows a friendly amendment to the following:

"Finally and for the record, a people or a culture without shame cannot stand. Nigeria’s shameless trajectory is a path to hell. No nation subsists this way. We must repudiate the Iboris in our midst. We must find our bearing and get back on track. The choice is simple and it is ours to make. We either find our way or we are lost."

to include Obasanjo and Tinubu, her favored thieves thusly:

"Finally and for the record, a people or a culture without shame cannot stand. Nigeria’s shameless trajectory is a path to hell. No nation subsists this way. We must repudiate the Iboris, the Tinubus and the Obasanjos in our midst. We must find our bearing and get back on track. The choice is simple and it is ours to make. We either find our way or we are lost."

Mr. Ibori is head and shoulders better than all the thieves that our intellectuals are silent about. He served his time. The others are loitering around the place, stealing us blind every day and issuing position papers written by the same "intellectuals" that write us beautiful stuff like what you are about to read. We are in a very sad place, and it is a shame that people like Bamidele who loudly drove us into the ditch are continuing with this shameful selective outrage. It is time for all of us to confess our sins. Without it, the Iboris and the Tinubus and the Amaechis and the Obasanjos will continue to enjoy selfies with beautiful people like Bamidele. Na today? Nonsense.

Via PremiumTimes

10 Ways You Made Buhari Who He Is By Defending the Indefensible.

10 Ways You Made Buhari Who He Is By Defending the Indefensible.

1. When Buhari refused to show up for debate during the last Presidential election, you defended it saying debates are not a good measure of judging the competence of a presidential candidate. You argued that since the last office holder held a PhD and was largely clueless, a debate was inconsequential. You don't need a debate to do the job since you argued forcefully that the country's number 1 problem was corruption. All that was needed was a man whose sole focus would be on corruption. "Kill corruption before it kills Nigeria." If you had thought deeply enough, you would have realized that as useless as the debates may look at that point in time, it was the best avenue, if not the only way, to test the competence of the man you loved so much and wanted to see elected as your President.

2. When Buhari refused to produce his certificate, you defended it by saying even if he showed a mere NEPA bill he'd still get your vote. You rationalized that since the last office holder didn't amount to anything with the PhD in his hand, a NEPA-bill-weilding individual should be able to deliver the country from all its problems. The argument then was water-tight. What an ogogoro-drinking PhD holder could not do, even an illiterate should be able to deliver.

3. When Buhari refused to obey court orders, you defended it by saying it was proper to defy court orders in order to be able to get to the root of some knotty cases. That, in fact, Dasuki's case should be tried at the International Criminal Court because it is a matter that has an international jurisdiction owing to the affiliation of Boko Haram with ISIS. You defended the continued detention of Nnamdi Kanu because he called Nigeria a zoo and operated a radio station. You remember how you even canvassed at some point that the constitution should be suspended and the President given Emergency Powers so that he can deliver on his electoral promises of leading Nigeria to the place it was meant to be.

4. When Buhari was travelling all over the world and refused to form a cabinet, you defended it saying he needed the shuttle diplomacy to bring back our stolen funds. Till date, you've not been able to ascertain how much money the shuttle diplomacy brought into Nigeria compared with the trips that MAY have cost you and other taxpayers over N1T.

5. When Buhari appointed the likes of Amaechi/Fayemi/Dalung & Co, you defended it saying it was a just recompense for the role these people played in making him President. You felt a moral obligation towards Amaechi's appointment and you celebrated because you believed he risked all the resources at his disposal to ensure that Buhari, who had no money to purchase his nomination form, became President. You praised Fashola as a great mind after he disclosed at his Senate nomination hearing that he does not sign cheques. You were very ecstatic when Amaechi declared that he has never collected a bribe in his life.

6. When Buhari went abroad on medical tourism, you defended it saying it was a vacation and like any employer, he was not accountable to the employee in a matter as mundane as an annual vacation.

7. When Buhari went after the Supreme Court Justices Gestapo style at midnight, you defended his action claiming that the Justices were corrupt. You defended and praised the DSS for having performed a sting and a surgical operation at midnight.

8. When Buhari went after the freezing of the account of a sitting Governor, you defended it saying the Law gives EFCC power to investigate any account it finds suspicious. You became a worthy interpreter of the Law and never could wait till the Governor loses his immunity before you commence a proper probe and freezing of his accounts. All is fair.

9. When Buhari kept mute over the killings of the murderous Fulani herdsmen, you defended it saying he is not obligated to speak on every case of homicide in Nigeria.

10. When Buhari said he would take an especial interest to the people who gave him 97% of the votes to the neglect of the 5% who didn't vote for him, you defended him saying he was right to this opinion because a section of the country does not like him and has been very hostile to him.

- Andy Akhigbe

Letter To President Buhari

Uzoamaka Doris Aniunoh has just said my own. In delightful prose-poetry, she has flung a song at you... Here her. Just hear this goddess of njakiri that stings 😍:

The title of this River Niger njakiri should be "Ntoin."

If after you were born, your mother told you how your great-grand father died by drowning. Your grandfather too. Your father died two days before you were born- drowning. And you, in your infinite wisdom, decide to ignore history and go and build your mansion next to a beach, because, well, water has calmed down over the years. You know. You can see it with the movement of the water. Even sef, the water now glitters, speaks good English and although this water cannot find its WAEC certificate, it has changed.

Water no get enemy!

When they took the streets to do occupy their mama's kitchen, they did it with no problems. They carried lunch box sef to the venue. No one was harassed. They bought gala for #50 and la casera for #50 and they ate and drank in peace and acrimony. They called Uncle Jona names. Clueless, etc. Not that he wasn't, but that name calling did not land anyone in the SSS palour, or did it?

Ngwanu, fast forward to Change. Our oga at the top has ear infection and he is lying in a very soft mattress in England, receiving first class treatment. When they murdered humans for peacefully protesting, when they butchered humans mercilessly in Kaduna, the infection covered his ears so he did not hear our cries. Now, just like Occupy-their-kitchen-cabinet, Nigerians decided to Occupy, to show our dissatisfaction with the government. But the ear wax cleared from our president's ears and he heard us well. And he ensured it did not take place. TuBaba was threatened to stupor and he backed down.

This is what happens when history is ignored.

But I am thankful. I am thankful because had Buhari not won, we would have been hearing the bulldadash that is how this impeccable disciplinarian could have made Nigeria great again.

May our president live long. May he rule a second tenure. He will not die in Jesus name! Your ears will continue to clear, sir! If they want to occupy again, or demonstrate, or do any peaceful rubbish, I will write the names of the people who are involved for you sir! So that you can deal with them ruthlessly. You will send soldiers to give them twenty-six strokes each on their buttocks, after which they will thank you for your discipline.

Sai baba! Sai Buhari. Get well soon our darling president! You are the best! We deserve you!!! ❤❤❤

- Uzoamaka Doris Aniunoh

Sunday, February 5, 2017

See what recession has done to our coat of arms

Recession has hit Nigeria so bad we have replaced the Horses in our Coat of Arms with baby Camels!!!

Saturday, February 4, 2017

The Wedding Party Movie Review

Finally watched the Wedding Party. Highlights of the movie for me.

Pettiness: the mothers are professionals in being petty. And also in protecting their children too. Especially the girl's mother.

The Thief: lmaoo he was so funny. He thought rich people don't have their own problems. And anyone that package well has money. He found out the bride's family were broke. And the groom's family had their own issues. Infidelity.

The bride's parents: despite the brokenness, the bride's mother was willing to stay with her husband. Reminded him that marriage is about sharing and not hiding anything and she did not care if they went broke.

The groom's parents: infidelity is not the answer if your partner is not as loving as before. Communication. Talking about it. Talking about a better change. Not rushing off to cheat. Groom's mother should have said how she felt, separated or divorced or counseling instead of being stuck up and trying to ruin everything. Then being tribalistic.

The white friend: the part she asked for two wraps of amala and then said, "I love my swallow." So me. Like people in Nigeria try to feed me rice or Chinese or whatever. Nah bruh!! I love me my swallow, bole and fish head, akara, akamu, agege bread and not sliced bread, abacha, bonny native soup *dancing*

Exes: lmaooo why are some exes so evil? Show up to the wedding to be stupid. The slap she received was marvelous. I am that friend that will slap your man's ex during the wedding if the ex do anyhow. Rubbish!! Sweet slap.

Love: love is never giving up. Trusting. Believing. Working through tough times.
It was a beautiful movie.

Tribe: it is high time Nigerians stop being tribalistic. Especially the igbos and yorubas (let's leave the Northerners first). Look at yourself like a Nigerian first. Love any tribe. Fall in love and marry the person. Leave tribe alone. Nigeria will be better if we just leave tribe alone and look at ourselves as human beings capable of love. Relationships have ended because of tribe. Families need to stop the rejections because of tribe.

But do you know the best part?

I was eating Asun sauce with white rice while watching it. Then washed it down with cold coke!!!

MORE PHOTOS: Chief James Ibori arrives home town Oghara Delta State.


Chief James Onanefe Ibori in Joyous Mode as he arrives home town Oghara Delta State.

James Ibori Arrives Nigeria

BREAKING NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Former Delta State Governor, James Onanefe Ibori has arrived  in Nigeria.

It was gathered that he arrived Abuja this morning and is on his way to his hometown, Oghara in Delta State.

Romantic Valentine Day Love Messages

It's few days to Valentine's Day!!!! Hmmm I can smell love in the air ....So here are some cute romantic text messages u can send to your loved ones ....It's a month of LOVE so show some love 

1. Hey! Do you know what I just noticed? Cute has U in the middle! No wonder I found you so sweet and special all along. Happy Valentine’s Day!

2. My days and nights are spent thinking of you. My dreams have come true now that you are in my life. Happy Valentine’s Day!

3. In life, love is never planned, nor does it happen for a reason. But when love is real, it becomes your plan for life and reason for living. Happy Valentine’s Day my love.

4. Even though we don’t get to be with each other as much as we’d like, I wanted you to know… In the morning… In the night…. You are on my mind 24 x 7

5. No poems, no fancy words. I just want the world to know that I LOVE YOU my Princess with all my heart. Happy Valentine’s Day.

6. Love is missing someone whenever you’re apart, but somehow feeling warm inside because you’re close in heart. As we are, Happy Valentine’s Day sweetheart.

7. There are only two times that I want to be with you

8. Love can be expressed in many ways.
One way I know is to send it across the distance to the person who is reading this.
♥ ♥ ♥ Happy Valentine’s Day ♥ ♥ ♥

9. I can fake a smile when I feel sad, I can pretend to be happy when I feel bad. But one thing I can’t do, is pretend that I don’t love you.

10. You are my heart, my soul, my treasure, my today, my tomorrow, my forever, my everything. Happy Valentine’s Day.

Words alone will never be able to express the depth of my love for you.

In case you didn't know, I'll be loving you always and forever!!

Just when I thought it couldn't get better, you prove me wrong! I love you!

Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I've done in my life.

Hand in hand and heart to heart my love for you shall never part.

Even though we are apart, my love you will never part.

I'll love the sun for days, the moon for nights, and YOU for forever.

Loving you makes my heart explode with happiness.

Rains fall, winds blow, the sun shines,  it all comes naturally, just like loving you.

Simply said,  I love you, 

Being with you is like having every single one of my wishes come true.

Loving you has been the best thing to ever happen to me!

Just had to let you know,  you're the best! I love you!

There is no long distance about love; it always finds a way to bring hearts together, no matter how many miles are between them.

You are the sun in my day, the wind in my sky, the waves in my ocean, and the beat in my heart.

I wish I was there to hold you tight instead of just send this loving, "Good Night."

Thank you for being the one who calms all my inner fears.

Your love is all I'll ever need.

Happy Valentine's Day. Hope you enjoyed these romantic Valentine day love messages.

Friday, February 3, 2017

Lagos State Police Finally Agrees To Allow 2Face's 6th February Protest

The Lagos state police commissioner, Fatai Owoseni, has agreed to provide security for the February 6th protest that is slated to hold at the National Stadium, Lagos. After a meeting with the organizers of the rally, the Commissioner who spoke to newsmen said

“We had a meeting with the protesters and we explained to them why we advised against the protest. A pro-government group wants to protest that same day and we don’t want a situation where there would be friction.
We also don’t want hooligans to hijack the process and injure the protesters. After explaining to them, they said they will go back and discuss with others. They said if they decide to go ahead, they won’t demonstrate but would assemble at a point and read their demands. That notwithstanding, we have resolved to provide security for them. It is our responsibility and we won’t shy away from it. We will ensure trouble makers do not hijack the process.”

Senator Ben Murray-Bruce Just Changed $100 to N50, 000

Senator Ben Murray-Bruce took to his Facebook page to share the news that he just changed dollars at the rate of N500 to $1. Nigeria which way forward? APC and this their change mantra is no longer making sense.  "This $100 was just changed by Adeyemi Juwoninto ₦50,000. What a change Nigeria! Oh what a promised change indeed!".

Baller Alert Can't Spell Arnold Schwarzenegger's Right

Baller Alert, a groupie site, really messed up Arnold Schwarzenegger's name up. Which kind of lazy journalism is that? I guess there were not bothered.

The best selfie of 2017

Here's the best selfie of 2017 so far

Thursday, February 2, 2017

These bags are treasures

These bags. Ei! Such treasures. Coming in all shapes and colours and patterns, and even some with pictures.

If you want to move houses and you are married with children, do not panic that things will not fit in a lorry. Because the largest of these bags are so humongous, they can easily accommodate your ENTIRE life, and your spouse's ENTIRE life, and your ENTIRE lives together, and still leave enough space for you to quickly throw in some furniture, a few home appliances, and your children.

If you are single and probably live alone in a small house, don't fret. You don't have to find a mkokoteni to carry your things. The small bag will sort you out. Because even that small bag is big enough for everything you own to fit in. And still leave enough space for you to throw in your crush. And then you shape a leso in a nice, tight circle, place it on your head, balance the bag on it, and walk to your new place while carrying the bag on your head.

When you want to travel abroad, instead of carrying those 3, bulky suitcases, just 1 of these average-sized bags from the nearest market will take care of everything. You will put in all your shit, and there will still be enough room for you to throw in the plane that you booked.

They are so strong, these bags, they actually do have the strength to carry on during these difficult, trying times, and, at the same time, carry all the mistakes of your forefathers, some cargo ships, and full gas cylinders.

Ei! These bags. Such treasures.

Tuface Idibia Protest: Why Buhari Supporters Are Afraid

Air, You're Under Arrest!

By Pius Adesanmi

President Buhari's administration, its supporters and well-wishers, do not want Tu Baba to have his say in a democracy. They do not want him to organize a protest against the direction of Nigeria under President Buhari's supervision.

They have denigrated him.
They have abused him.
They have abused his father and mother.

Those who defend the musician's right to agonize and organize in a democracy have been surprised by the ferocity of those determined to silence the man.

I think that Mr. Innocent Idibia's traducers - the Buhari administration and its voices in the public sphere - have a better understanding of history than those who are acting surprised and are blindsided by the ferocity of the opposition to Mr. Idibia's planned protest.

Let's be clear: I support and endorse that protest and its informing spirit. If I were in the country, I'd join it to protest against the failures and the shortcomings of the current administration and insist on better, responsible, and accountable governance.

If we cede Nigeria to the crude and primitive instincts of those who would have us perish even the mere thought of peaceful and legitimate protest in a democracy just because they deify President Buhari, we are totally finished. A Nigeria in which the right to protest is demonized cannot contain us and such people.

It is instructive that many of those who are attempting to prevent legitimate protests against President Buhari in Nigeria see no contradiction whatsoever in hailing legitimate protests against President Trump in another democracy in faraway America. Perhaps we should not be surprised because irony and the Nigerian have never been good friends.

I said that the Buhari administration and its supporters who are trying to block Mr. Idibia's right to dissent have a better handle on history than those who are surprised by the state's reaction.

Come with me.

Centuries before Christ, in ancient Greece precisely, a fellow called Orpheus became the perfect embodiment of poetic genius in music. It was said that his father, the god Apollo, gave him a lyre and taught him to play it. Orpheus became the greatest musician in the universe. The world obeyed the command of his art. Rivers, mountains, animals, and humans all melted when he played the lyre. He fell in love with a beautiful lady called Eurydice.

Misfortune happens to this perfect love story and his wife died and descended to Hades - the underworld. Orpheus had one power, one weapon that no force could withstand - his music. With his lyre, he was able to descend to Hades, cross the dangerous Stygian realm, charm Cerberus the monster with three heads, and gain admission into the presence of Pluto, the god of the Underworld, whose heart he melted with music and retrieved his wife.

Nothing was able to withstand or block the liberating capacity of the music of Orpheus. Orpheus had served notice to humanity that music liberates. Music frees people from tyranny. Such is the awesome power of the musician.

Such is the awesome power of the musician. Fast forward to several centuries after Christ, in 13th-century Germany, the people of the little village of Hamelin were in bondage. The bondage of rat infestation. Doctors could not save them from that bondage. Armies could not save them from that bondage. A single musician and his pipe saved them. He also of course had the capacity to punish them for failing to compensate him as promised. Just as the Pied Piper of Hamelin used his music to lure the rats away, he lured the children away. Such is the awesome power of the musician.

Such is the awesome power of the musician. In Jericho, the invading Israelites had to make the transition from professional soldiers to professional musicians. They laid down their arms and blew trumpets. And the Wall of Jericho fell. Such is the awesome power of the musician.

Such is the awesome power of the musician. In folktale after folktale after folktale after folktale, Ijapa the tortoise uses song and music to conquer, to overcome, to liberate, to bring down tyranny in the Yoruba world. Such is the awesome power of the musician.

Such is the awesome power of the musician. If you watch the documentary, Amandla (find it on YouTube), you will gain an understanding of the fact that it was song and music that brought down Apartheid in South Africa. You will hear former Apartheid police officers and security forces declare that they were more afraid of the song and the chanting "of the blecks" (Blacks in South African English) than the stones and the bullets of the anti-apartheid fighters. Such is the awesome power of the musician.

The man who finds favour with the Muses and they invest the art of music in him immediately becomes an existential threat to power because he is in possession of a weapon that has been the nemesis of power throughout history. Whether he is singing or just operating in the secular realms of a protest beyond muscial performance, he is still an existential threat to power.

This explains why the Buhari administration and its supporters are so afraid of Mr. Innocent Idibia. This explains why they are so jittery. And this explains why their reaction and hysterics should be familiar to those who have read enough books to understand the history of such reactions to the musician.

The Nigerians trying to stop the artist have ancestors dating all the way back to ancient Greece - agents of power and forces of reaction who have always tried to catch the wind and arrest the air. Sadly, they will go the way of all those who have tried to arrest the air before them. They will go the way of those who have tried to "arrest the music", to borrow the title of Tejumola Olaniyan's excellent book.

If you are a blind Buhari supporter, Mr. Innocent Idibia is not your problem. President Buhari is. Face him and tell him to up his game and deliver on his electoral promises. You did not elect him to run Nigeria catastrophically on auto-pilot as he is currently doing. At any rate, if you are a patriot, your loyalty will always be to Nigeria and not to any President.

If you belong in Team Nigeria, the team of transcendental non-partisan patriots who believe that Nigeria is bigger than anyone, including the President, and his supporters must consequently not be allowed to reduce Nigeria to a theocracy run by their god, defend Mr. Innocent Idibia's right to protest. Support him.

Physically, they may shut down that protest or even prevent him from holding it. Don't worry. Mr. Idibia is an artist. He has song. He has music. He is beyond them.

Let them continue to arrest the air.

It's their funeral.