jumia

Sunday, January 22, 2017

Yoruba Demons

Yoruba Demons

Play the horns abeg. 

In the words of Jay Z "This is not politically correct; this might affect my political connects"

So I am not so active on Facebook. Heck, I find it burdensome but they have some cool videos so……but some days back I saw a post by Uju. Actually, it was a quote which went something like "women are not vending machines where guys pour in kindness and expect sex to fall out. If you want sex, grow some balls and ask for it. Can we please clap for whoever wrote this? As in, this should be one printed and hung on every door post and billboard out there so guys know the truth. Stop being kind to Ladies because you want to sleep with them. 

Look brothers, I understand that you believe that because you are kind, it might touch them somewhere and they will see how muh of a cool guy you are and they it will touch them emotionally and you will be seen as a potential partner………lmaoooo. Get your heads out of the clouds for 5 freaking seconds and get real. Wake the eff up and smell the freaking coffee(or Milo in this case). Most times, it is a waste of tine as you are most likely going to end up in that horrible horrible place called the "Friendzone". Not to yab the friendzone cos I enjoy it. It is a fun place for me. I am in a lot of people's friendzones and I am loving it without intention or me trying to move out

Now guys, kindness can't get you the girl. If you want to be kind and good and all that other crap, be that because it is who you are but do not expect her to love you because you are kind. Do not bother doing her assignments or staying up to talk to her about that burning pain just because you think she will change her mind for you as it will possibly(since there might be some girls who fall for this) end up in her going to the guy that is causing her heartaches while you will be the guy who she hits up at 2 am to stitch up the torn heart every time.

I have a friend, nigga fell in love with a girl who was in an abusive relationship. He stuck with her, helped her through the pain and stood by her. With his help, she finally got out of the reltionship and just chilled. Guess what? She got into a relationship with a guy that was like the one she just left and the guy was confused AF. He told me and I laughed my backside off although we had some great hangout sessions at the Nescafe lounge of UNILAG. Look, you are kind and the guy she comes to when she wants to be fixed but you are certainly not BF material. You think it is by kindness? I mean why do you think Yoruba Demons(I do not belong to this category of guys) get that much girls? 

A little good boy here, some really bad guy thraits there is what you should do. Dont be nice and cool. Nerdy guys are the perfect boyfriend material but you dont see them getting all the chicks right? It is the average guys always raking em C while the straight A students gets stuck with helping out with assignment and being study buddies. Because that is what they are good for. I dont know why you will suddenly make yourself at a girls beck and call and she can call you up at 2am. I mean it is good for a female friend with which you dont intend to date(or sleep with *inserts demon emoji*) but someone you want to date? Bruh please dont be that guy, let someone else be the one patching her up embrace your inner demon and dump the nice guy persona. Grow some balls and act up being nice does not get you the girl. 

Take that bad guy life with your chest else you will be getting L from here to Kuala Lumpur 

You also need to know that some girls are into nice guys and are tired of the heartbreaks that Yoruba demons give em but they are not much so it is not like every girl is like that. 

Having written all these, please realize that this is an excerpt from the Yoruba Demon handbook. Nice guys are cool and you should be one. Being an arsehole is really pointless, you might not get the girls or get laid (yeah yeah yeah, self sub) but still there is this inner satisfaction that you are not responsible for breaking hearts and Karma can't come and bite you via your daughters (not true but then….) And there is also the isues of bruh, do you want to be with a girl who does not see the potentials you possess but will rather be with one who is a total or half jerk? I mean you are here with all your nice qualities and she does not see it or she ignores cos you are boring, don't sweat it. Take the loss with your chest, realize that you really dont want want a masochist for a girlfriend. I mean what type of girl seeks out people that will break her heart? Thats is the type momma warned you about and you need to be thankful she is just seeing you as a friend. But if you ever decide to become a Yoruba Demon or atleast live like one, (not as if being a Yoruba Demon is a good thing or I am encouraging you to be one but…… ) learn that the strongest(also is the biggest arse, the wicked soul, the idiotic fuckboy, basically the definition of a Yoruba Demon) person in the relationship is the ones who cares the least. 

So yeah, stop being kind to Ladies because you want to date or sleep with em. I mean these 21st century ladies that believe that a first date should cost 35k? Nigga what they need are demons because in the words of my good friend Yemi, "Fine girls are crazy"

See eh, that fine girls are crazy thing is subject for another post abeg. And to all you Yoruba Demons out there, keep it up, dont catch an STI, dont get shot and dont push a girl to jump off a cliff. Remember that it is niggas like me that get stuck with these girls and are tasked with the responsibility of trying to stop them from sliting their throats. Biko, make our job easier. 

Please whatever your reaction to this is, do not insult my mother