jumia

Saturday, January 21, 2017

I'm getting paranoid

Okay so this is one of those "realest thing I've ever wrote" moments.....or not. I need help biko.

So a friend's crush or a girl he seems to be half in love with (personally, I think he has fallen in with her and just does not want to admit or is playing around with the truth like I do. Sue me) moved close, to me. I have spoken to her on phone, sorted some issues for her. Heck, I even arranged transportation to pick her up and take her wherever (Seems I can do everything with my phone these days). So three weeks ago, this guy calls me and asks when I will be going to visit her.

First reaction....you guessed right, I asked why I should go visit her. He said He just needs me to check out her living conditions and the like and I said she ain't a child. The he demanded for the actual reason I don't wanna go(he did not fall for that excuse) and I told him "because I don't want to go there and become this awkward stranger who came over and she starts getting the idea that I am sizing/checking her up (The title of this update is my paranoia right?). This dude is one of the few friend I actually relate with on an intelligence scale that most people just don't get so he knew exactly what I was talking about and how ladies do that. You try to be nice and the first thing they think is that you want something else which leads to them trying to use that to their advantage and you can see exactly what they are thinking and you refuse to be "played" like that and for some reason still end up being the guilty party.

So the process of convincing happened and I eventually went yesterday, and she was pretty cool. Spent some time there (she is another twitter junkie *sighs*). All in all, it was a good visit and she bought me Fanta...that's like 15 points.

Looking back now, I think of the reason why I decided to stay away from her and the impression I thought will form in her head and I realize that although it is funny and sort of cowardly, I am very comfortable with it. Perhaps I am getting too worried about sending the wrong signals that I send nothing or I am beginning to send signals that I really do not care and of course, I ignore every signal I receive. What's the point when you can so easily misread em? *yawns*

So I admit, I am paranoid and avoid the female folk cos of their awesome (not word I intended to use) thoughts and impression that guys have formed in their head about guys. Don't miss this for lack of confidence. There is no way I will back out of a meet cos I am scared of anyone or scared the meet might go wrong. I should know, cos I have had some pretty awkward meets and I always love driving every conversation the way I it to go except of course I decide to keep quiet and that's when I am strongest (topic for another day).