jumia

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Scandals That Happened In Nigeria Since President Buhari Was Away

Posted By: Dapo Olufade 

In this report, Dapo Olufade takes a look at what happened while the president was on medical leave.

RUMOUR. Controversy. Threats. Countermands. Emotion. Fury. Theatrics.

None was in short supply in the country in the 103 days President Muhammadu Buhari spent in London, attending to his health.

Dutifully dispensing them at measured intervals were the politicians, political jobbers and mischief makers.

Once a controversy appeared to have served its course and began to wear out, another would suddenly pop-up, sending the populace into a fresh frenzy.

First was the storm over his Eid el Fitri message on the Hausa Service of the British Broadcasting Corporation (BBC) on June 25.

How dare he address Nigerians in Hausa, many charged, after demanding that he should say something, just anything, to assure the nation that what they were hearing about him was not true.

The Sallah message broadcast was preceded by a statement issued by his media team.

The presidency only released the audio in an apparent response to distrustful Nigerians who had not heard from Buhari for nearly two months.

Governor Ayodele Fayose of Ekiti State categorically declared the audio message a fraud.

Buhari, according to him, could not have spoken the words contained in the tape because he had it “on good authority” that the President had been “on life support since June 6.”

He told reporters at a so called ‘world press conference’ in Ado Ekiti that he had in his possession 11 photographs  of the President on life support in a London hospital, and would release them to the public ‘soon’.

He said: “The audio message does not represent the truth as our President does not only have voice impairment; he has been on life support since June 6, 2017 at a West-End, London Hospital.

“Of a fact, our First Lady, Mrs. Aisah Buhari was not allowed to see her husband during her last visit to the United Kingdom if only she will be courageous enough to admit.

“Only three Nigerians who are of the President’s cabal are allowed access to the President. I will keep their identities for now.”

As if taking a cue from Fayose, an online publication ran its own account of Buhari’s “bad condition.”

He was not allowed to see “his wife (Aisha) during her recent visit to the United Kingdom,” it said quoting presidency sources.

It also said Buhari had “not spoken to Acting President Yemi Osinbajo for several weeks following his departure from Abuja for a second round of medical treatment.

“The sources gave the example of Wednesday last week when members of Buhari’s cabal called the Acting President and asked him to await a call from the ailing President, pointing out that no such call was received except one that was just a few seconds of hellos before the person hung up the phone.”

In a follow up story on Osinbajo’s visit to Buhari in London in early July, the online publication reported that the meeting “lasted for five minutes only according to Presidency officials in the know of what transpired between the two leaders at the Abuja House in London.”

It also said Buhari “has a major difficulty speaking audibly as his treatment continues.”

A few days later, the National Chairman of the ruling All Progressives Congress (APC), Chief John Odigie-Oyegun, and Governors Umaru Al-Makura (Nasarawa), Nasir el-Rufai (Kaduna), Rochas Okorocha (Imo), and Yahaya Bello (Kogi), visited Buhari in London in a bid to put a lie to speculations about the President’s health.

Former Aviation minister and PDP member, Mr. Femi Fani-Kayode refused to be persuaded by the photographs of the meeting that went into circulation.

Like Fayose before him, he said they were manipulated.

His ‘sources’, he claimed had told him that the photographs were old ones, taken when Buhari was breaking the fast with the people seen in the photographs.

He had another evidence of the ‘deception’: drinks on the dining table were Nigerian products.

He said: “I have been reliably informed that the picture was taken in Abuja some time back and not yesterday in London.

“Quite apart from that, even though the picture was meant to have been taken in London curiously all the drinks on the table are Nigerian products and Nigerian-made.

“Did the Governors take all those drinks along with them to London when they went to see the President?

“What was the purpose and point of this fake photo-shoot and this strange breakfast meeting? What was the purpose and objective of this monumental fraud and deceit?

“Whatever the answers may be to these questions the curtain must be brought down on what can only be described as a puerile and nauseating conspiracy.

“For those who still believe that the meeting actually took place there are some nagging questions that need to be answered.

“For example why were the Nigerian and foreign media not allowed to cover the proceedings and participate in this celebrated photo-shoot and merry London feast?

“Why did the Villa press corps not take one of their own camera men to London and make a short video of the event?

“Why was the whole event shrouded in so much secrecy? Why is it that only one picture was taken? Why were more pictures not taken? Why was Buhari not put on audio tape and recorded talking to his guests?”

The answer soon came when a delegation of APC and PDP governors left for London to visit Buhari.

Others,  including the Archbishop of Canterbury, members of Buhari’s Media team, Senate President Bukola Saraki, House of Representatives Speaker Yakubu Dogara and the General Overseer Worldwide of the Redeemed Christian Church of God (RCCG), Pastor Adejare Adeboye took turns to bid Buhari get well soon.

In early July, the Senate sparked a controversy of its own when some members moved to make Senate President Bukola Saraki Acting President of the country.

The Red Chamber had, on resumption from a three week recess, received a letter from Osinbajo seeking the confirmation of Mr. Lanre Gbajabiamila, as Director General of National Lottery Regulatory Commission.

Incidentally, Osinbajo was briefly out of the country that day, prompting Senator Eyinanya Abaribe (Abia South), to say the country had no President or Acting President at that moment.

Saraki appeared to have read the mood of the majority of senators and of the nation and tactically ruled him out of order before the situation could degenerate

The leader of the Indigenous People of Biafra (IPOB), Nnamdi Kanu and some Northern youths would not allow the politicians monopolize the limelight.

Kanu, in utter violation of his bail conditions, addressed rally after rally in the South East, insisting that he and the Igbo must get out of Nigeria.

He shut down major towns in the South East on May 30 to mark Biafra day and vowed to stop the November 18 governorship election in Anambra, unless there is a referendum on the future of ‘Biafra’.

In early June, 16 northern youth groups emerging from a joint meeting in Kaduna gave Igbo residing in North up to October 1, 2017 to vacate the region.

In no time, fresh agitation for Nigeria’s restructuring swept through the country.

Even, the North which many Nigerians see as being afraid of restructuring told everyone who cared to listen that it is ready for it.

The Governors of the Northern states and the traditional rulers met in Kaduna and resolved to set up a committee to harmonize the views of the people for action at the appropriate time.

But the hatred sparked by the quit notice has been a little difficult to suppress.

Acting President Osinbajo met with leaders from the North and the South to douse the tension, only for some hate songs to emerge in parts of the country.

There was also a threat by Niger Delta militants to resume hostilities by the end of September if the federal government failed to fulfil its promises to the region.

A similar threat by Niger Delta elders to pull out of further talks with government prompted a peace meeting in Abuja with Osinbajo leading the government delegation.

Agreements were reached, compromises made, and peace returned.

For now, the sticking point in the social sector is the ASUU strike launched last week.

Government has admitted responsibility for failing to meet its part of the agreement earlier reached with the lecturers and now hopes that the teachers will return to the classrooms this week when all the issues in contention will have been sorted out.

Igbotic tendency? Maka why!

"IGBOTIC" TENDENCY?
Mbanu! For whatu kwanu?

Sometimes I wonder why I should be "bothered" that I may be called "Igbotic" or struggle not to be found speaking Igbo "too much". Nna lekwanu muoo, nwafo kara aka di ka mu..

My fear should rather be that I'd be found wanting in speaking or writing my SOLID and wonderful language.. God forbid that I feel He added me to an inferior race... Mbanu!

Igbo bu ndi kara aka... ndi m ji eme onu. O buru na emeghi m ma o bu suo asusu ka onye Igbo, a ga m asukwanu ka onye? Uwa mu ozo, if I can choose, I would love to be "onye Igbo".....I should rather be proud to be identified as "Igbotic"... Maka na a bu m onye Igbo...and Igbo bu ndi oma...

I am proud to be onye Igbo, "nyamiri", "okoro", ihe o soro ha kpoo ya,  and I try hard to represent my tribe well... Giving people an idea that Igbos possess every good quality..... Innumerable... Cha!

Igbo ndi nwe m kwenu! Umunna kwezonu!

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Even Glo now types like a slay queen

Do they too have character limits?

Goodluck Jonathan's Speech At PDP Convention

PoliticsNGR has obtained a full transcript of the controversial speech by ex-president, Goodluck Jonathan at the non-elective convention of the People's Democratic party(PDP) last Saturday.

The Speech has been criticized by some and praised by others. Read the full transcript below;

It is my honour and privilege to address you on this auspicious occasion of the non-elective convention of our great party, the Peoples Democratic Party (PDP).

2. Let me start by paying tributes to the founding fathers of our great party and all others who had laboured so hard over these past months to restore peace and tranquillity in our party. The PDP like every successful human organization has gone through a momentous time in the last one and half years.

3. As a party that heralded Nigeria’s return to democracy in 1999, the PDP had become so accustomed to success in its 16 years in power that the first time our fortunes changed at the polls, it was obvious that the party would suffer the aftershocks of the loss. It was in deed a most trying period for us as a political party.

4. However, it is not an experience that is peculiar to us. This is because all over the world, any party that loses election at the centre as we did will, first of all, struggle to hold together, before regaining its composure to effectively present the strong voice of the opposition, and resume the contestation to return to office.

5. But we thank God that the worst is over for our party. It is to his grace that we were able to emerge from this unsavoury experience, from which some political parties in other emerging democracies hardly recover, to become even stronger, within a short period of time.

6. The PDP is in deed back to reclaim its prime position as the party to lead Nigeria to greatness. As a human institution, we cannot claim perfection, but obviously as a political party, our accomplishments as at 2015, far outweigh our shortfalls.

7. Our giant developmental strides are there for all Nigerians to see. There is ample evidence to demonstrate that PDP has indeed proved to be a party of vision and accomplishments.

8. As I said when I addressed our members in April during the stakeholders’ forum which I convened; the 2011, 2015 general elections and other polls conducted by our administration were accepted globally to have met the international standards for free, fair and transparent elections. There is no gainsaying the fact that our disposition in freely handing over power to the opposition, after the 2015 polls, helped to deepen our democracy and project our country as one of the world’s stable democracies.

9. This wouldn’t have been possible if our Government did not reform the electoral and political process, by giving the independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) the autonomy it requires, to enable it to conduct free and fair elections.

10. On the economic front, we provided focused leadership, through institutional and sectoral reforms which impacted positively on the fundamentals for growth, especially in the last four years of our time in power. The effect was that we tamed inflation at a single digit, maintained price stability, grew the economy to become the largest in Africa with a GDP of over half a trillion US dollars, and the number one foreign direct investment destination on the continent.

11. I learnt that some people said that if PDP had remained in power beyond 2015, the economy would have performed worse. This couldn’t have been the case, because we had a sound economic team in place, managing the economy. Let us not forget that the great floods of 2012 was a major calamity that damaged homes and farmlands on the plains of River Niger and Benue. But despite the devastating effect of this natural disaster, there was no food shortages or arbitrary increase in prices, because of what we were able to accomplish with our Agriculture Transformation Agenda, which considerably boosted food production.

12. If we say that we rekindled hope in our people and regained international goodwill, it is because we pursued a number of policies and programmes that were not only richly rewarding for our people, but were also being copied by many countries across the globe, a few of which I will mention here.

13. We can all recall that our agricultural transformation agenda rapidly transformed key agricultural value chains, boosted local production, and created a new generation of young commercial farmers and agriculture entrepreneurs we proudly identified as Nagropreneurs. One very remarkable achievements of the reform we introduced was that it ended decades of fertiliser sector corruption through electronic wallet system. Since then, its success has continued to resonate outside our shores. The programme is not only being scaled up by the African Development Bank but is already being replicated in close to 20 African countries.

14. In fact, three days ago, my attention was drawn to The Guardian newspaper publication about a contract that has just been awarded to a Nigerian IT solutions firm, Cellulant, to export the e-wallet system which we conceived, to Afghanistan. This is in deed, a good development for our country.

15. I understand that the Ministry of Agriculture, Irrigation and Livestock in Afghanistan, which contracted them in their bid to establish a market-based input distribution technology, might have been inspired by our own experience, in successfully deploying the e-wallet technology to increase food production.

16. In the same vein, Our Youth Enterprises with Innovation (YouWin) designed to turn thousands of youths into entrepreneurs and employers of labour, has been endorsed by the World Bank for replication in
other developing countries.

17. The ECOWAS Commission has since expressed interest in partnering with Nigeria with a view to establishing an automotive policy for the subregion, in line with our administration’s auto industry development policy, which led to the establishment of many vehicle assembly plants, including indigenous companies.

18. Our approach to fighting corruption may not have plugged all the leaks in the system; in fact, no nation has ever been successful in eradicating the cankerworm of corruption.

19. But we went about it in a sustainable and measurable manner, by, among other measures, creating institutional tools like bank verification number (BVN), the treasury single account (TSA) designed to block leakages, as well as the Integrated Payroll and Personnel Information (IPPIS), which eliminated tens of thousands of ghost workers, during our time.

20. I have just pointed out these few programmes, out of our other numerous great achievements in such sectors as roads infrastructure, rail services, communications, public financial management and social services, for you to know that our records, as members of Nigeria’s biggest party, still speak for us and we should be proud of them.

21. We should always celebrate the fact that the PDP introduced key policies that improved governance, enhanced welfare, boosted and stabilized the economy of our great country, and above all, gave our people hope.

22. In closing, I wish to remind all of us that as politicians, we are bound to have differences. It is important we manage our differences responsibly, with an eye on the divine role of the PDP to lead Nigeria to greatness. Let us rededicate ourselves to playing by the rules.

23. Let us all ensure that the PDP is renewed in vigour to deliver on its divine responsibility to Nigerians. Let us forget the grievances of the past, and look to the future with confidence and optimism.

24. While I congratulate all delegates to this convention, I urge you to go back to your respective constituencies to promote the ideals of our great party. Let it be known that our party has been born anew, committed to the best ideals of democracy.

25. Let it be known, in all nooks and crannies of our country, that the PDP is back to claim its rightful place in the affairs of the nation. As we have always done, we are ready to return Nigeria to the path of unity, peace and prosperity.

26. I congratulate the Caretaker Committee, our relentless Governors, the Board of Trustees, National Assembly caucuses, former Governors, the ex Ministers’ Forum, our teeming youths and women for your steadfastness and dogged contributions to the sustenance of this great party.

27. My appreciation also goes to all PDP members and supporters, both at home and in the Diaspora.

28. I thank the Convention Planning Committee for putting this August event together. I also congratulate all delegates for the successful trip to the convention.

29. Finally, I wish you all successful deliberations at this convention. May God return you all back home safely.

http://politicsngr.com/2017/08/14/full-transcript-jonathans-controversial-speech-pdp-convention/

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Men will always be men

Men Will Be Men

One day a woman wanted to know how the husband would react if she left without telling him where she had gone. So she decided to write him a letter saying she is tired of him and didn't want to live with him anymore and after writing she put the letter on the table in the bedroom and then hid under the bed...

When the husband came back home, saw the letter and read it, he replied on the same paper and then began to sing and dance changing his clothes.

He got his phone, dialled someone then said: "Hey babe, am just changing clothes then will join you, as for the other fool it has finally dawned on her that I was fooling around with her and has left. I was wrong..really wrong to have married her, I wish I had known you earlier. See you soon honey!"

The husband walked out of the room and left. In tears and very upset, the woman got up from under the bed and decided to go and read what the husband wrote on the letter.

When she got the letter, it said: "I COULD see your feet under the bed, I didn't make any phone call.. I am going to buy bread. Stand up, stop your silly games and prepare me a meal....
I LOVE YOU!

1. Sleeping alone is better than sharing your BED with someone who shares a BED with someone else when you are not around...!
2. Cheating does not mean you have to kiss, meet or have sex with a third party. Once you find yourself deleting texts and e-mails so
that your partner will not see them, you are already there.
3. If a man is crazy about you, pray he does not get well, if he is getting well, know that another woman is giving him some tablets.
4. First love may not die, but true love can bury it.
5. If you still believe "LOVE IS BLIND" then I know for sure MARRIAGE WILL OPEN IT FOR YOU.
6. A woman's beautiful face attracts a flirt; A woman's beautiful heart attracts a lover; A woman's beautiful character attracts a man.
7. Never you fall in love because you are lonely, fall in love because you are ready.
8. A blessed water is better than a cursed fried rice. A Godly poor man is far much better than an angry rich man in marriage.
9. I will rather have you stay in your father's house that you are sure of than pack into a man's house you are not sure of.
10. Most men base their capacity of manhood and their abilities to fertilize ovaries and produce children. Any man can impregnate a woman. The real deal is HOW MANY MEN CAN BE THE FATHER TO THEIR CHILDREN, not promoters of ABORTION?
11. HOLY Wives do not just speak in tongues they MANAGE their homes, make SUPER meals, raise GODLY kids, and finally, they
bring out the KING in their man.
12. When you tend to your garden diligently you will be the one to reap the fruit of the vine hereof.
13. You can say "sorry" a million times, say " I love you" as much as you want, say whatever you want, but if you are not going to prove that,the things you say are true, then do not say anything at all. Because if you cannot show it, your words do not mean a thing.
14. Never you lie in order to satisfy somebody for a moment because the pain that you cause them in the future can last them for a lifetime.

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Good day I'm sure you are laughing now...make someone else laugh too by sharing this post

Stop wasting time with the wrong person

Stop wasting time with the wrong person you call them but they don’t pick up, they find your missed calls but they don’t call back, you text them but they never reply to any of your messages, you always have time for them but they are ever so busy for you, you want to meet them and have some mature talks with them but they are full of excuses, you do everything possible to make them happy but they don’t appreciate your effort, you introduced them to your friends and family but they have never introduced you to any important person in their life, you are so proud of them but they aren’t proud of you, you truly love them but you aren’t sure if they love you because they don’t show it, you want to spend your future with them but they don’t like to talk about future plans, you are doing everything youcan to make the relationship work but they all their best to make it end. Then why are you with them? Why are you wasting your time and energy on them? Honestly you deserve someone better who will appreciate your effort and even return your love.Stop wasting your time with that wrong person. Get yourself together and move on. I know it isn’t easy, but if you know your worth, you’ll make it.

Hope I spoke to someone?

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From Genesis To Revelations

I went to Genesis Hotels through Exodus
road. On the way, i saw Leviticus
recording the Numbers of people at
Deuteronomy, while Joshua was waiting
at the beautiful gate for Judges to see
Ruth calling loudly “Samuel,Samuel” .
At a stage, the, first and second Kings of
Chronicles were coming to visit Ezra,
Nehemiah and Esther for the misfortune
of Job their brother. Then they noticed
that Mr. Psalms was teaching his
children Proverbs concerning
Ecclesiastes and Songs of Solomon.
This coincided with the period that
Isaiah and Jeremiah were engaged in
Lamentation for Ezekiel and Daniel their
friend. By that time, Amos and Obadiah
were not around. Three days later,
Hosea, Joel and Jonah traveled in the
same ship with Micah and Nahum to
Jerusalem . Habakkuk then
visited Zephaniah who introduced him to
Haggai a friend of Zechariah whose
cousin is Malachi.
Immediately after the old tradition,
Matthew, Mark, Luke and John
got involved in Acts with the Romans
who were behaving like the Corinthians,
who were also always at loggerhead with
the Galatians.
At that time too, the Ephesians realizing
that the Philippians were close to the
Colossians, suggested to the Thessalonians that they should
first of all see Timothy who had gone to
the house of Titus to teach Philemon his younger brother how
to read and write in Hebrew.
On hearing this, James asked Peter to
explain to him how the three Johns have
disclosed to Jude the Revelation of my journey.
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How To Keep The Lady You Are Dating

HOW TO KEEP THE LADY YOU ARE DATING:

Do you love your girl and you don't want another man to snatch her from you? Then do the following things:

1. Give her plenty of attention. If you give her attention, she will not seek for attention elsewhere. Chat with her online via social media or else another man will.
2. Give her listening ears whenever she is speaking to you. Avoid pressing your phone or reading a newspaper when your girl is talking to you.
3. Do not promise her and fail. Do not promise her what you cannot do. It is better for you to say you don't have than to promise and fail.
4. Do not be stingy. Avoid telling her that you don't have, you don't have all the time.
5. Be caring. To be caring does not only mean you should be giving her money. There are many ways of showing care; e.g show concern whenever she is sad or in problems; be by her side when she is in problems, do not abandon her in her days of sorrow.
6. Tell her daily that she is beautiful.
7. Tell her daily that you love her.
8. Play with her and joke with her daily.
9. Don't be too hard and don't be too soft. Scold her a little, and pet her a little. Do not over pet or over scold.
10. Love her siblings, and respect her parents.
11. Appreciate her when she helps you to do something.
12. Allow her to advise you, seek her suggestions and respect her opinions.
13. Respect her.
14. Do not take her for granted.
15. Do not cheat on her.
16. Play with her hairs
17. kiss her on her forehead, cheek and neck. It will pass a good message to her.
18. Let her sit on your lap sometimes.
Agree or Disagree?

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Who's a Naija Big Girl

WHO IS A BIG GIRL?

The fact that different guys pick you up every
Friday night does not make you a big girl. The
fact that you wear all the latest clothes in the
market, does not make you a big girl, And of the
fact that you uses the latest phone & different
guys pay money into your account does not make
you a big girl...

Its does not even make you smart! You're only
eating up your FUTURE!

THEN WHO IS A BIG GIRL?!. A big girl is a girl
with enough brain in her, Not the one with more
money.

She is not the one who flirts with all the men
around her. She is the girl who respects her
relationship & marriage.

She is never heard but seen. You know her from
what she does, her behaviour speaks a lot about
her. She is every man's queen, decently dressed...

A big girl respects the values of womanhood...
She carries herself with more dignity... Stop
boasting about the number of men you've slept
with my dear..

Remember, cheap articles have more buyers.. Build
Yourself into the woman that peopl will always
respect & admire.

Never follow men who will make a mess of your
life.
Be bold but humble,
be Godly..
Be hard working, respect your relationship or
marriage, Be ambitious but contented..

Don't
make men a priority in life..
Real men will seek after you! Build yourself into
the woman men will always want to take home to
their mamas..

Not the one they only want to take to hotels &
clubs.

TRUST ME, if you just trap a man with your body
he'll go one day. A lady without morals & dignity
is like a phone without a sim card...

IT IS A WAKE UP CALL TO MY LADIES.

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Dating Tips

DATING TIPS

When a girl loves, she loves for real.

When she loves you, she becomes happy, she becomes proud of you and she feels happy when talking to you... She will be friend with your friends and relatives, your likes will be her likes, she will change her life style to fit in yours.

No matter how much you disappoint her, she will forgive you before you apologize, yes she loves you. She will try to be a little bit jealous and protective,because she wants you to be hers and only hers.

Her boyfriend will now become her EX... because all her future will be in ur hands. She will reject all proposals from other boys. No matter how far or near you are, she will protect herself for you.

She will like everything you post on Facebook no matter how stupid it is... retweet everything you tweet on twitter and will instantly reply to all ur messages on WhatsApp or Facebook,

She won't mind, whether you give her Money or not, whether you are rich or not, coz her interest in you is your future not what you are now.

She will show you all her friends and relatives, because she's proud of you!

Look at that girl, her heart is made of Gold, so precious and full of love. She deserves to be treated as queen.

But this bastard (some guys) after making her love you wholeheartedly, after making her waste her time on you, after making her reject other guys who would have been useful to her, and after all, having let her show you to everyone she knows that you are the ONE, Now you're leaving her, leaving her broken hearted, guys whom she rejected because of you are going to laugh at her, her friends and relatives will ask, WHERE IS HE WHOM YOU TOLD US?

All she could do is to sit put her head on her knees, cry as if there is no tomorrow. Cry endlessly because she loved you endlessly.

Guys, don't make that girl regret why she loved you. Don't make others laugh at her.

Fulfill your promises to her, if she wronged you, give her a second chance, everyone deserves a second chance.

Know that she is a human not a god, she can't be perfect all the time.

Do u get it, GUYS ?.
Do u support this LADIES ??

1. Kissing your man is not a problem. The problem is how you do it. Stop making Sounds like a car Crash.

2. Screaming during Sex is romantic and its not a problem. The problem is Shouting words like; "JESUS: OOH MY GOD: HOLY MARY". U're having Sex, Not a Church Service. And besides i
don't know if u're reminding God to Punish you Later.

3. Wearing short skimpy skirts is not a problem, infact its very Sexy. The problem is wearing your Mini and looking all nice but when you see Guyz u try to Pull it down now forcing it to be long. Don't u see that u're deceiving yourself.

4. Loving your man is not a problem. The problem is Changing ur Surname on Social Media and put his surname when he hasn't even Introduced you to his mother. Just Chill, i would hate to read your Post Later saying, "MEN ARE WICKED AND CHEATS"

5. Saying all Men are the Same is not my problem but Who asked u to try them ALL?

6. Bleaching ur skin till u shine brighter than your future is not a problem, but the problem is having White Face, Yellow hands, Chocolate Lips and Black Legs. Are u a Zebra?

7. Reading this post ain't a problem, in fact it's welcomed, but the problem is reading without sharing..

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Inefficient civil services in Nigeria

24 hours.

That’s how long it takes a bank in Nigeria to replace and activate a customer’s missing or expired ATM card.

This service is typically offered for free or for as little as N1000.

Note:  ATM cards have microchips embedded on them.  This means they can be validated by computer devices.

24 hours.

That is the length of time it takes a Telco to replace a customer’s missing or damaged SIM card. This service is typically offered for as little as N100.

Note: Like ATM cards, SIM cards have integrated circuit embedded on it.

The above scenarios illustrate some services offered by private sector institutions in Nigeria.

Now, let’s take a look at similar services provided by the Public sector (that is, government-supervised institutions).
===============================

3 months.

That is how long it takes to obtain or renew a Driver’s license in Nigeria.

The Drivers license is in the form of a tacky and poorly printed low-grade PVC card.

Officially, they say it costs N6500 to procure a driver’s license in Nigeria. However, that reality only  exist in the imagination of the issuing authorities. 

Everyone else, but them, get to pay nothing less than N25, 000 to obtain a fresh Driver’s license in Nigeria. Or N18000 for a renewal.

4 years (or Forever!)

That is how long it takes to obtain a Voter’s Card.

The Voter’s Card is a basic, low-grade PVC.  The holder’s information is poorly printed on it. No microchip is embedded on it. 

No fee is attached to obtaining one.  However, to produce them, the government - through INEC - typically spends an obscene amount of money.

These amounts typically runs into tens of billions.

A lifetime.

That is the length of time it takes to obtain a National ID card in Nigeria.

It has no microchip or a biometric feature. It is typically tacky and printed on low-grade PVCs.

It is free to obtain, though billions of Naira are expended to produce and distribute them.

3 Weeks to 1 Month.

In this computer and Internet age, that is the length of time that it takes the Corporate Affairs Commission (CAC) to return a result for a company name search.

Meanwhile, it takes about 30 seconds for some online services to return a result for a web name, or e-mail address search from a database of over 1 billion existing subscribers.

Other notable examples include international passport (1 Month), pre-paid meter (a lifetime), C of O (forever), etc.

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Moral of the story: In Nigeria, never expect prompt or quality service delivery from government-supervised institutions!

Sadly, it  is deliberate.

The provision of services  in the public sector in Nigeria are intentionally made protracted and rigorous by civil servants.

They wilfully institute bottlenecks along the way  with one aim in mind: To frustrate patrons in order to create avenues for extortions.

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Ozubulu...death of the innocent

Ozubulu...death of the innocent

Yesterday gunmen stormed into a Catholic church in Ozubulu and gunned down members of the congregation who were attending Sunday mass. As the drama unfolded and social media was agog with gory pictures, the rumour mills started grinding and the blame was immediately directed at all sorts of terrorist groups. As the day progressed, however, the truth filtered through and it was revealed that the source of this massacre was an enemy within otherwise known as Greed.

It is said that innocent people lost their lives in the incident but let us ask ourselves, is anyone really innocent in this? Can any of us claim to be innocent? Are we really surprised that this incident occurred? Have we not been courting this enemy for several years now in Igboland? Is it something that started today?

According to reports corroborated by the governor of Anambra state, the incident was the outcome of a drugs war between two drug barons from Ozubulu who were fighting over a debt arising from a drugs deal. Having gone to the house of one of the barons known as “Bishop” and not finding him home, the gunmen proceeded to the church to seek him out and kill him. They marched into the church, saw his father and opened fire killing everyone who was in the way. What gave them the impetus to march into the church premises with their guns and open fire on ‘holy grounds’, committing an act that is a total abomination? They clearly did not recognize the holiness of the premises after all they were aware that the church was built from the proceeds of crime and drug sales. As far as they were concerned, they were home!

And that is where the problem lies. That is where we should begin to question our own innocence in this matter. Is there anyone in that town who was unaware of “Bishop’s” reputation or the source of his wealth? Didn’t the priests accept his blood money to build their church? Didn’t the villagers attend the church knowing where the funds came from? Didn’t they treat the donor and his father with deference because of his ill-gotten wealth? What other outcome could we then expect? How then can we claim to have been innocent?

I attended the funeral of my friend’s father in the East some years ago. At the end of the service, the priest began to name the ‘wealthy’ people in our midst and call them by name to come forward and make donations to the church. He thanked them all for being there and shamelessly badgered them for funds to renovate his church. Neither he nor the son of the deceased who assisted him in identifying the targeted donors saw it fit to thank the rest of us for travelling all the way from Abuja and assisting them in making the event a huge success. We were not important. The focus was on the wealthy people regardless of how this wealth was acquired.

I attended another funeral in Ojoto some years ago. During the proceedings, several men, clearly of questionable character strolled in, accompanied by armed policemen to emphasize their importance. Some were said to be sons of Igwes from neighbouring towns whilst others were clearly successful men of the underworld. One who looked like he was someone’s houseboy dressed up in an ill-fitting safari suit stepped forward with his gun and began shooting in the air. I was horrified and terrified at the same time, and I complained bitterly at the evident lawlessness on display. People around me including my friends, looked at me like I was some spoil sport. Couldn’t I see that this added colour to the event? No one was concerned that the indiscriminate shooting apart from being illegal, could have resulted in a serious accident. They all left at the same time, jumping into their SUV’s and shooting in the air. I was told that the purpose of this was to ward off potential armed robbers since they had ‘sprayed’ huge sums of money at the event. The children present looked on in admiration and awe. These were their heroes and role models approved by us, the adults.  So why are we shocked by Ozubulu’s tragedy?

For years, young men with little education and no visible means of income, have come home and built palatial houses for their parents. How many parents refused to live in those houses? What message does that send to the youth? The same people come to the villages and install boreholes and build roads. Soon enough the villagers ‘beg’ them to run for office and before you know it, they are installed in the State or National Assembly or even run for the governor’s office. No questions asked about the source of their wealth. Why then should we be shocked?

Bishop, the drug baron who the gunmen were after celebrated his 36th birthday commissioning roads that he tarred in his community. Governor Willie Obiano’s picture was used to advertise the event, thereby validating this young man. It appears from reports that the governor and the commissioner of police even attended the event. Did they ask him where the funds came from? Hadn’t they heard the rumours? Did they investigate? Are they really shocked at the outcome?

Instead of exhibiting all this shock and sorrow, we should resolve today to end this cycle of greed and worshipping criminals. It’s been going on for so long and we are all guilty. The lesson learnt from Ozubulu is that we are all potential victims so we can no longer pretend that it does not concern us.  Anyone of us could have been sitting in that church on Sunday. It was not an incident that just occurred, it was a disaster waiting to happen and it can happen again if we do not take steps to prevent it!
May the souls of all those lost in the incident at Ozubulu and all the faithful departed rest in perfect peace. Amen.

Sunday, August 6, 2017

#OZUBULUKILLING; IS THE POLICE BEING MISCHIEVOUS???

#OZUBULUKILLING; IS THE POLICE BEING MISCHIEVOUS???

By Charles Ogbu.

It is no longer news that unknown gunmen invaded St. Philip Catholic church, Ozubulu early morning of today, Sunday the 6th day of August, 2017, killing not less than 35 people and wounding more.

I am just leaving St. Philip Catholic church, the crime scene for a related place. So don't even think I'm peddling rumours here.

What is news is that the Nigerian police has, for the very first time in human history, successfully concluded an investigation into a very heinous crime and came out with a report less than 2 hours after the incident.

According to the official statement from the police, the incident was not unconnected with a feud between two sons of the community, one of whom was believed to have built the church.

Just pause.

And,

Wait a minute!

The police want me to believe that two sons of Ozubulu community had a disagreement over whatever business they may have transacted and one of the two guys felt so aggrieved to the point that he wanted to kill his colleague but for some reasons which even Amadioha can't explain, this aggrieved partner now decided to go into a church of all places and turned his gun on innocent worshippers even when that partner of his who supposedly angered him was not in the church?????????

Seriously??????

I mean, like seriously????

I should just believe this horseshit????

What happened to our education?

Is this not the same Nigerian police which told us that it was "hoodlums" who killed dozens of people in Nimbo, Uzo-uwani, Enugu state even when Muna, my two day old puppy, knew the killing was done by fulani herdsmen?????

It is a very sad day when a police force that is supposed to be well sophisticated in the ways of investigating crime elect to be the official #AmeboNigeriaLimited over issues as serious as the deadly attack on innocent worshippers in a church.

Police responded and concluded investigation within two hours. In less than 1 hour, the governor was there.

#NdiRapidRespondSquad!!!

The country called Nigeria is officially a failed state. All the indices are now complete. We are just living in denial.

By evening or sometime tomorrow, expect a couple of IPOB guys who will be paraded by the same police as the killers.  Their only "crime" might just be using an hankerchief with the Biafran colour. Don't say I didn't tell you.

I dey come first. Let me keep doing my own investigation. I might simply find something useful even before this criminally inept lot masquerading as the police can come up with any concrete info.

Ndigbo mourns!

Many killed as gunmen invade Catholic Church in Ozubulu, Anambra State

Drug deal gone bad???

So you ordered hit and they took it to a church and killed innocent souls. Wehdon. May the souls of the dead not rest in peace till they find their killers and who caused and ordered the hit.

Drugs deal huh. Puts my hand on my jaw and looks on. Una wan dey form Italian job and God father now
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here is the full gist.
OZUBULU IS ON FIRE NOW. . News reaching me from AMAKWA OZUBULU this morning has it that ST. PHILIP CATHOLIC CHURCH UMUEZEKWE  OFUFE AMAKWA OZUBULU WAS ATTACKED BY UNKNOWN SOPHISTICATED GUNMEN this morning during 6AM MASS. An eyewitness said that the gunmen actually came to assassinate a Billionaire son of the clan Chief Alloysius Ikegwuonu (a.k.a BISHOP EBUBECHUKWUZO 1 OF OZ) but unfortunately for them they met his absent and they came inside church close to his domain to ransack for him all to no avail, and they start shooting sporadically on the congregation thereby leaving not less than 20 persons dead and numerous were injured including the BISHOP father who was shot on his hand..............MAY THE SOUL OF THE DECEASED REST IN PEACE.. AMEN
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Friday, August 4, 2017

Joe Igbokwe, The Accidental House Negro

JOE IGBOKWE; THE ACCIDENTAL HOUSE NEGRO.

By Charles Ogbu.

Reading Joe Igbokwe's tales of his personal wars and woes, I was left wondering whether to simply pause and die laughing or die crying.  In his bid to prove to Maazi Nnamdi Kanu that he is not a slave, he ended up writing the story of his long years of slavery to the Tinubu dynasty.

How poetically ironic!!

He was called a hungry Lagos slave and he responded by listing his long years of "serving" Tinubu for 8 years, Fashola for 8 years and Ambode for 2 years and still counting. And how he got married and had all his kids in Lagos after abject poverty left him traumatized for years. In all his sordid tales, he didn't mention anyway his Lagos sojourn benefited his Nnewi hometown. He made mention of no tangible record of achievement. All he regaled us with was his long years of serving Tinubu and Sons Nigeria limited.

Should we now crown him the longest serving Lagos servant??

All the people with whom he served Tinubu are now Masters, yet, Igbokwe is still serving. And he already recruited his innocent children into a life of eternal servitude. #shame!

When a real Igbo man serves a master, he get settled at the end of the agreed term. We Igbos don't serve in perpetuity.

When will servant Igbokwe get settled by his Masters?????

The joke is on him but the bigger joke is that he didn't even realise it.

And how come our Lagos chief servant forgot to include his long years of service to the dubious prophet of Baal, the late Edward Okeke popularly known as Eddy Nawgwu????  Ah! He wasn't proud of that aspect of his "servantship", was he?

Joe Igbokwe is not a slave merely because he admitted being a servant all his life.

No!

He is a slave because he believes that at his old age, long years of serving other people was all there is to life.

Indeed, slavery is more psychological than physical. It is a thing of the mind. Once a man's mind is captured and his thought process enslaved, forget it, such a man is no longer an ordinary slave. He is now the biggest asset the slave master has. To him, his chain is now a beautiful bracelet. For a piece of cake, he will remain eternally grateful to his master even when it was him who designed the recipe for the damn cake and got all it takes to bake the cake himself and feed the multitude.

And like a typical "House Negro", Igbokwe felt he was under some kind of spiritual compulsion not to sing songs of praises for Lagos without singing songs of contempt and disdain for Nnewi, his own home. The Lagos chief servant never bothered to ask why Lagos seaport has remained the only functional seaport in the country. Why is Onitsha port or any other port in the old Eastern region not working??? This all important question never crossed his mind.

The entire production process in the East has been emasculated by satanic federal govt policies aimed at keeping the people of the old Eastern region in perpetual state of poverty. Those Igbos who stayed behind to develop Ala-Igbo and have succeeded in carving a niche for themselves despite these business-crippling policies are the real heroes.

For Igbokwe, the current privileged position his slave masters have gifted him with is all that matters. The generality of Ndigbo can go to hell.

Make no mistakes, there are a million and one Joe Igbokwes who have succeded in fraudulently acquiring the garbs of Igbo patriots. To them, Nnamdi Kanu's Biafra agitation is unacceptable, not because they believe Nigeria is a better alternative but because they fear that the current agitation will deprive them of the privileges they currently enjoy in Nigeria.

Whenever you hear any Igbo man attack (not criticize) Kanu and the Biafra agitation even without condemning the long years of institutionalised injustices and other criminalities of the Caliphate-controlled Nigeria state against Ndigbo, which provoked and has continued to not only fuel but legitimize the agitation, just know that that is another Joe Igbokwe talking.

Waste not your valuable time engaging such a person. He's not deserving of even your silence.

Look them in the eye and say to them, Nnamdi Kanu is fighting for his freedom and that of his people, what are you fighting for?? What alternative are you offering?????

No man, no matter how powerful, can make a private bargain with history.

Thursday, August 3, 2017

APC vs PDP

O Beautiful People

Many people have asked me my opinion on the change of baton between the PDP and the APC, that breakaway faction of the PDP. It should be obvious that I am not crying in my beer that Mr. Goodluck Jonathan is out of Aso Rock, he was not fit to be president of Nigeria, I am contemptuous of his reign and that of the PDP. And I have a hard time being grateful to Mr. Jonathan for being gracious in defeat; it is high time we stopped thanking the servants of the people for merely doing their job sometimes.

On the other hand I am not dancing in the streets because our thieving public intellectuals, the Napoleons of Animal Farm are heralding the coming of the tired face of yesterday on the backs of criminals and thugs and liars as "change." I do not share in the euphoria; I repeat, we have merely changed the letters of the alphabet from odious PDP to odious APC, same difference. 

No one fools me, I will continue to push the conversation about what is appropriate in terms of governance. Democracy without accountability is killing Nigeria and Nigerians. We have spent dozens of billions of Naira to race past broken schools, broken hospitals and broken roads to execute a shoddy election and install the illusion of change. We have just traded ravenous locusts for starving termites. We will be miserable for the next four years as we continue to endure an unsustainable democracy. This democracy is an unsustainable farce and we all know it. If we are not careful it will be the end of our nation as we know it.The PDP needs to go, the APC needs to go, they are collectively responsible for our mess and I am not excusing one bunch of thieves and incompetents from blame.

My people. I would like to be wrong, I pray to be wrong for one reason. My generation and older, of leaders and intellectuals owe this generation a huge debt of relief. We owe them what we have afforded our own families and children from the safety of the West and the faux suburbs of Lekki and Abuja. They deserve good schools, homes, hospitals and robust safety and security that our children and family enjoy. We have ripped them off, looted their present and future and fed them lies from birth. We owe them relief.

My people, since independence what has happened to Nigeria and Nigerians, I call black-on-black crime. Nigeria was quite honestly better off under white rule; that is exactly what our black rulers have proven to their eternal shame.

In the name of this generation of hopeful youths, I plead with the incoming farce, this change borne on the backs of criminals and thugs and liars, to prove me wrong and show some compassion and competence. Please do something in the name of millions of young people who truly believe in you and expect structural changes in the next four years. Prove many of us wrong and do something productive for once. We have the solutions but sixteen years of corruption and buffoonery by various versions of the APC and the PDP have taunted the question: Who will bell the cat?

I salute and congratulate every young Nigerian that has begun the journey of fighting back. It is your country, they owe you, you do not owe them. They work for you; hold them accountable, make them leaders, not rulers. Make them treat you the way they treat their own children. This is a promise: In your name, I will continue to be a one-man army railing against the APC and the PDP until they morph from being enemies of the people to champions of the people. I do not need money from any of them, I just want them to do what they have promised. It may not happen in my lifetime but it won't be for lack of trying. A pox on both their houses.

Finally, I must thank those who engaged me on my wall; as much as I joked about #BLOCKING folks, I found that I did not really need to use that powerful tool. The vast majority of folks proved that they were raised right and engaged me with passion and uncommon respect, even when I was being bad and I am not the easiest person to have as an adversary. I salute you and I look forward to more skirmishes as I join like-minded folks to continue to name and shame our ruler-criminals. Nigeria is ours, not theirs.

Good morning!

Why I no Longer Use the Term, ‘Game.’

Why I no Longer Use the Term, ‘Game.’

Years ago, I was enjoying my bushmeat in an Australian restaurant in Belgium and said as much when my dinner companion gently reminded me that what I was eating was “game” and not bushmeat, and I had been invited out to “enjoy game.” Apparently, bushmeat is what you get in a small, ramshackle affair by the roadside in Nsukka, paired with palm wine and most often eaten by hand, not meat carefully paired with a Pinot Noir or a Shiraz in a restaurant where the silverware is so shiny and so smudge free you can use it to fix your makeup.  

This morning, I did a quick google search and found this:

“The term “bushmeat” refers to meat that comes from wild animals captured in developing regions of the world such as Africa.  Bushmeat comes from a variety of wild animals, including bats, nonhuman primates (e.g., monkeys), cane rats (grasscutters), and duiker (antelope).”

“Game are wild animals and birds. Large native game animals living in America include antelope, buffalo, bear, deer, elk, moose, reindeer, and wild boar. “

Fact 1: bushmeat and game come from wild animals.

Fact 2: Antelope is bushmeat when  in Africa but game once it crosses the ocean.

Question: Who does the naming?
Why does it matter?
What does naming say about the imperialism/hierarchy of cultures?

Naming is neither innocent nor neutral. Victors name the conquered, the wealthy name the poor. Think about why every westerner in Africa is an “expatriate” and  Africans in the west are  “immigrants,”  and how the labelling influences  the dominant narratives around these two groups. Think about why you are a cosmopolitan if you’ve travelled extensively (in the west) and speak a variety of European languages but not if you are Nigerian and have lived/travelled extensively across Africa and speak many African languages.

One of the stories my father-in-law (who taught history and French for many years) and my husband (who is a history buff) love to tell the younger generation (children and grandchildren) is how William the Conqueror influenced the names of (cooked) meat in English. When William the Conqueror invaded England in 1066, he gave land to the knights who fought with him and made them dukes and earls and etc. They did not work the farms or cook their own food but they named the meat which landed on their plates. The transformation from cow to beef (le boeuf), from pig to pork (le porc), from calf to veal (le veau) happened once the animals left the farms of the poor Anglo Saxon farmers and landed all ready to be devoured by the nobility.

Cultural imperialism of course goes beyond naming. It is also about what is framed as “civilized” and therefore desirable and what is not. It is about people turning up their noses at people eating eba with their hands and yet killing themselves to learn how to use  chopsticks so they can “eat Japanese food the proper way.” It’s about people gagging at the thought of me enjoying goat meat (good thing it didn’t make it to the plates of the nobility or we would have been calling it chevon like the French or some other variant of chèvre) and yet ridiculing me for thinking that raw oysters are gross. It is people thinking that when the French speak English with their accent  (including H-dropping), it is sexy but when a Yoruba does it, it is “bush.”  It is people rolling their eyes at African superstitions yet believing that the position of the stars on the day they were born has an effect on their personality (and determines their fate). It is about people thinking that there is one single measure of civilization and that they calibrate it.

Years ago, I was invited to talk about my favorite pieces of classical music on a radio show in Belgium. I was upfront in my correspondence with the (producer?) about classical music not being my cup of tea. I think I said I wasn’t knowledgeable at all about it. Undeterred, she sent me a box of CDs of classical music, determined to bring me on the right side of “civilization.” She very thoughtfully labelled each CD according to its “mood.” I gifted the CDs to my husband (who does enjoy classical music). A few weeks later, I get a mail from the producer asking if I’d played the CDs. I lied and said I had. She decided I was ready to come on the show. Cut a long story short, I went on the show  and the woman begins by talking about my ignorance of classical music before the show and then asks, ‘So, you had no culture of music growing up in Nigeria?” In proper Naija fashion, I answered her question with a question. I asked her what she knew of highlife (“Highlife? What’s that?”). I asked her what she knew of juju (she’d never heard of it.) I told her it didn’t matter to my father that she knew Mozart and Beethoven, if she knew nothing of highlife and juju, she was a cultural barbarian. She was appalled. She had not thought that there was a “musical culture” outside of the European tradition. Like my mother would say, I gave her homework.

In recent years, I have begun making a conscious effort to pass out such homework where I can. It is our collective  responsibility to challenge narratives that privilege other cultures/voices/stories over ours.

And that is why I no longer use the term, “game” for any kind of bushmeat.

Chika

BUHARI, THE NORTH AND BOKO HARAM; BEYOND THE CHARADE.

BUHARI, THE NORTH AND BOKO HARAM; BEYOND THE CHARADE.

By Charles Ogbu.

The last couple of days have seen a surge in Boko haram attack culminating in the death of not less than 48 people made up of both soldiers and civilians looking for oil in Lake Chad. Just two days ago, the islamic terror group took over a town in the Northeast. Before then, they released a video which showed them buying and selling and carrying out normal activities in a place that is supposed to be the Sambisa forest.

I would feign shocked at any of these except I would have lied.

The biggest lie Nigerians have been fed with is that the president Muhammadu Buhari-led govt is prosecuting a war against Islamic terror group, Boko haram. This is as fallacious as anyone claiming that kaduna state governor, Nasir Elrufai had any plan of prosecuting the marauding fulani herdsmen slaughtering women and children in southern kaduna or that Buhari is fighting corruption.

The truth about this govt and Boko haram is that the former has always been using the latter to achieve some sinister objective. The duo have never really been foes. I understand this might sound oddly counter-intuitive but under close examination, the truism of the above assertions would be revealed.

This current Boko haram is not the dreaded Islamic terror group this govt would want us to believe it is. And it is certainly not the Muhammad Yusuf brand of Boko haram which was known for its strong aversion to western education and technology. What we currently have is simply some form of pressure group the North uses to blackmail the rest of the country.  This group played a significant role in orchestrating the "arrangee" Chibokgirls kidnap which was tremendously instrumental in firing Jonathan and hiring Buhari.

Another truth is that between this govt and boko haram, there is absolutely no ideological difference. None whatsoever.

Let's check it out:

Both seek only to subdue, conquer as well as impose sharia on the rest of the country.

Boko haram is peopled by Islamic extremists. This govt starting from the president down to all the security agencies which are under the control of Northern Muslims is equally peopled by Islamic fundamentalists. A quick Google search on the very despicable role president Buhari and his security chiefs played in protecting the 5 Islamic fundamentalists who dismembered Mrs Bridget Agbahime in Kano sometime in June last year will clear anyone's doubt about the authenticity of this assertion of mine.

Most of the 19 northern states are currently operating sharia law which is basically what Boko haram has been fighting to enthrone. On his part, president Buhari is an unrepentant religious bigot who has demonstrated more respect and allegiance to his Islamic faith even at the grave cost of violating the right to life of the same Nigerians who employed him.

Boko haram beheads infidels for blasphemy. The sharia-practicing Northern state execute blasphemers too. Even when innocent people are butchered in the north in the name of blasphemy, both president Buhari, the security chiefs and governors of those northern states always throw their weight behind such savagery.

A typical example is the case of the Imo state woman, the late Bridget Agbahime, who was killed by Muslim youths in broadday light in kano for asking her Muslim neighbour not to do ablution in front of her shop. President Buhari did not prosecute the 5 killers of the woman despite the fact that they were all arrested. Instead, he stylishly justified her death by asking us to show respect to each other's religion. Even the police which quickly arrested and prosecuted Joe Umunnakwe for naming his dog "Buhari" simply chose not to prosecute the Kano 5. At the end, the 5 soulless Islamic fundamentalists who butchered that woman yet walk the earth as free men, all thanks to the sharia-practicing govt of Kano state which declared them all innocent despite mounthing evidence to the contrary.

Islamic extremists who murdered the RCCG pastor, the late Eunice Elisha close to a mosque in no other place than the F.C.T, Kubwa precisely, in July last year, were all allowed to walk free by the Buhari govt. Let me quickly add that the deafening silence of CAN and our big Daddy G.Os such as Pastor Adeboye as well as the rest of us over the islamic killing of both Bridget Agbohime and Eunice Elisha is nothing short of criminal.

A terror group that chops off non-muslims' head in the name of blasphemy and a govt that not only sentences people to death but equally encourages mob killing of non-Muslims for the same blasphemy, is there any difference????

As I type this, almost all the high ranking Boko haram commanders imprisoned by the last govt have all been released into the society. There are rumours that they are being re-integrated into the military .

Millions of dollars have been given to the terrorist group by the Buhari govt under the guise of one dubious prisoner swap or hostage ransom. The govt information minister, Alhaji Liar Muhammad recently admitted this. Let's not forget that this govt already announced amnesty for "repentant" Boko haram terrorists even when they are still killing, bombing and maiming ill-fated soldiers mostly drawn from the southern part of Nigeria. In other words,  once the terrorists get tired of killing or they are arrested, they stand a fool-proof chance of not just walking free but walking back to their killing ways with even more millions of dollars from the same govt which claims to be fighting it. And with these monies, they could easily buy more sophisticated weapon.

How tragically funny!

We will do well to remember that few years ago, under president Jonathan, this same Buhari vehemently defended the terror group, describing them as freedom fighters and vowing to take any attack on the terrorists as attack on the entire North. And with his party, the APC, they objected to the group being proscribed as a terror group by the last govt. And in appreciation, the terror group named him  (Buhari) as its representative in a failed peace talk with Jonathan's govt.

Buhari openly defended boko haram even when it was rated the world deadliest terror group. How can anyone reasonably believe that such a man will do anything to hurt the same boko haram now that he's in power???????

Truth is, Muhammadu Buhari has never seen Boko haram as a terror group. Neither has the terror group ever seen Buhari as an enemy.

Another truth is that some highly placed Northerners like the Borno state governor, alhaji Shettima, has a very strong open rapport with the terror group. Elrufai and Murtala Nyako all wrote series of letters urging world leaders not to sell weapons to the govt of Jonathan then.

It was in the official lodge of this Borno state governor Shettima here in Abuja that a top Boko haram commander, Kabiru Sokoto, who masterminded the Madalla Christmas day bombing of St.Theresa's church in Niger state was arrested few years ago under the last govt. Today, there are very strong feelers that this Kabiru Sokoto has since been released, the same way a police commissioner, Zakari Biu,  who facilitated his escape was hurriedly recalled and re-instated the very moment Buhari came to power, even as he has now retired.

What was a top commander of a group once rated the world's deadliest terror group doing in Borno state governor's lodge few weeks after executing a deadly terror attack that left hundreds of Christians dead and hundredS more wounded???

And how come the Nigerian military authority is always so eager to treat arrested members of the terror group like loyalties even when the same military is killing and maiming the non-violent IPOB and even spraying them with dangerous chemical??

How can it be that each time there is a reduction in the frequency of Boko haram attack, there is always a proportionate increase in attack by the fulani terror group wearing the grabs of herdsmen?

Questions and more questions with no answers.

Whatever you chose to believe, you will do well not to disremember that Buhari and his fellow jackals and hyenas ARE NOT here to grow your economy or give you good life. They are here to implement a Northernization/islamization agenda. Sadly, with boko haram, fulani herdsmen and firm grip on all the security agencies coupled with a hopeless sense of complacency and naivety by Southerners and Northern Christians, their plan seems to be on course.

For Nigeria as a country, "winter" is not coming. It is here already!

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Drinking beer is not for women

So by this time yesterday,  a friend of mine called it quits with his girlfriend.
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Reason: they went out together to a birthday party,  he ordered a bottle  of beer, and she ordered a bottle too. 🍻 Finito! 😂😂😂
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He called me to lament he can't marry someone like that. According to him,  he was embarrassed, because while the other ladies were drinking malt, juice, fruity cocktails, nonalcoholic wines, etc.  his own babe joined him to download Hero. 😂😂😂
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Okay,  before the waiter brought the beer,  he expressed his disappointment. He went ahead to explain to her that drinking beer wasn't womanly, and it was only for lesbians, tomboys,  and whores. She nodded.  He thought she understood. But guess what?
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When the waiter arrived, aunty collected her order,  opened the chilled substance and started downloading. Uncle was shocked to his bone marrows.  E do am like African magic.😱
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Apparently,  she made it very clear she couldn't compete with the image of the sexy malt-drinking woman, he had  in his head. 😂😂
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I laughed all through his bickering. He said she had no remorse for what she did.  Babe couldn't  even apologize for gross misconduct. Chayee! 😂
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When  he asked for my opinion on the issue. I knew he desperately  needed me to be like; eew! OMG!😱😱What kinda girl drinks beer? Why can't  she even apologize. Ordinary sorry fa! She doesn't  have manners.  No mind am , etc... 
But everyday no be Christmas na.😂😂
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"I like your girlfriend . She's  simply unfuckwithable. " I said. 😂😂😂
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My friend almost had a cardiac arrest.  " So you're supporting her abi? I can't  believe  this shit! A whole you! Don't  you know only harlots drink alcohol?  Don't you know beer will even make you fat? Beers are for men not women."He yelled.
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I laughed him to stupor. Indeed light travels faster than sound.  That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.  Beers are for men.  Seriously? Who made those rules? 
.
Unfortunately, he is not the only one placing an inordinate amount  of importance  on superficial preferences like this👆👆. I've seen men who vomit loads of crap about women who do alcohol. Yes!  And I've also seen women who look down on men because they don't drink.
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You see the aforementioned  set of people?  They are not just mad, but have ample time on their hands. Caring so much about other people's  drink choices, seriously? I find it weird.
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Now,this wan went to break up with his babe because she ordered  beer, and ees now looking for moral support from me. Aye le o! Oga didn't you order beer too?😦😦
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  Abeg drink and let drink. Hian! 
This is why Naija can't  be better. 😂😂
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You're telling me you can't  believe she likes beer.  Why can't you believe?  Na poison? Don't you like beer? Why are you sounding as if a woman drinking beer is like some kind of freaking miracle? Stop being sexist. Stop! 🙋
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Now you're also saying that alcohol  makes women fat.  Ees it your fat? Special adviser on unsolicited  matters. Mbok,  Allow somebody to drink her damn sugar-filled- fat- creating alcohol  and drop cup na!  Shey the calorie content dey reduce when man dey drink am? Ezigbo Mmadu!👏👏👏👏
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I live in a society where a woman who drinks is labelled a pathetic alcoholic, whereas a man who drinks is simply unwinding. Issokay! 😂
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Well, I'm so sorry  all ye concerned citizens of Nigeria...and I'm  officially welcoming y'all  to the 21st century where some women love to drink a cool bottle of something that isn't  spiced, sugary, or flavoured with synthetic fruits.
If you can't  endure it, once again, I'm  sorry there's  nothing I can do about it.
Just go and play in traffic. 😂😂😂😂
********
Happy weekend my people. Please drink and let drink.
P. S: If you're  drinking,  don't drive. And if you're  driving, don't drink. I don't have money for condolence.  Tenkiu!
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Written by Penocrat Ayomide Kindness💗💗

I can date you but cannot marry someone like you

There is nothing I won't see in this life. I have really suffered. I swear.
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So while I was epping this Onku to edit his smelling work, the idiot looked at me finish,  and said; "Ayo, I would love to date you. I know It would be fun, but I can't  marry someone like  you. "😂😂
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I was thrown off balance. Hian! What level of burn is this? You want to date me but you can't marry me?  Aiye o le to yen na. 😢😢😢
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When I demanded an explanation for his mind blowing statement  , I couldn't believe my ears.
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Onku explained  to me that he won't marry any fine girl. Let alone someone like me, who has  allowed her to beauty get into her head.
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According to him, fine girls like me who know too much, will never make good wives, because we will never be submissive, and  would always want to rank shoulders with our husbands.
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"So...what's your spec like? " I asked out of curiosity.
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"The ugly girls, especially those ones who are not too bright upstairs . ..." he replied.
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Eh... Ehn! Chineke Napukwa Ekwensu Ike ! 😱This is actually my first time of hearing this kain dust o. Oga isi gini??  Inukwa! 😂😂
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"An ugly girl would worship me, because she will always see her marriage to a fine guy like me,  as a miracle. She would never nurse the thought of doing shakara.
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And  anyday she tries to rebel against me, I would remind her that she's ugly, and I  did her a huge favor by marrying her.
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"Secondly, if my wife is ugly, I  would never have trust issues where she's concerned. Men will not be interested in her. They won't chase her upandan. They won't promise her cars and money, I would have peace of mind  in my marriage. "
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"Thirdly,  if my wife is ugly and not too intelligent , she would always see my decisions  as final.  She would never question my intelligence on critical issues.  No argument.  Abeg, I no get strength for you and  your too much sense. " He noted.
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😂😂😂. Waawu!!! 👏👏👏👏 such wisdom!  " so in other words, you prefer an ugly airhead, because you want to use her to be shining upandan? You want her to be massaging that your ego that is already on life support abi?  You're even selfish. You didn't even think of your children fa! Issorite. "😂.
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Uncle laughed and told me his handsomeness will help his kids. I smiled and got back to my work.
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Then the devil used him...
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"But Ayo,  you don't  look stubborn to me o. Just see the way you're helping me edit this thing. I like intelligent  girls.  Seriously I would like to go out with you. I may marry you sha. But I have to date you  for a very long time,  to be sure you're not pretending. You know you girls of nowadays."
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I kept quiet. Suddenly, I felt a hand rub my back.
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"Ayo, seriously, forget all this nonsense I've been saying o. I actually dressed up in this fine attire because I wanted us to hang out together. You no dey feel my cloth?  He asked.
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"No. It's ugly. Why don't you go home and slip into something more  suitable for your kind of person? " I replied with clinical disinterestedness.
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He laughed. This time like an old sorcerer. "Do You know how much I bought these clothes?  You see why I said fine women are troublesome?
Okay, let me hurry home. But what exactly would you want me to slip into?  He asked again.
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"Please slip into a coma" I said.
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Then I got up and started arranging my stuffs to leave.
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Onku started again. "Ah! An! Finish the work for me na.  You just dey vex anyhow. This is what I was complaining about. Fine girls too much shakara! Abeg na. He kept on begging.
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When I was certain I had packed every single thing that belonged to me in that room,  I turned back to the system and punched ctrl+ Z.  Everything reset shaperly! .😂😂😂😂.
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Onku was mad.  There was nothing he didn't say. He was also frustrated. He has wasted his time for nothing.
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Wetin concern me? 😂😂😂 He should get his probably  wrinkled  and toothless ugly bimbo of a future wife, to help him out. I don't actually do freebies for people who reason anticlockwise.
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Nonsense and Kati kati! 😬😬😬

Who owns the front seat, the sister or the fiancee/girlfriend?

On one of those crazy days during my service year , I was walking down my office  junction, when I bumped into a friend of mine, and her fiance. After much exchange of pleasantries,  they offered to drop me at my house.
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See flexing! I was so tired to my bones, to the extent that I slept off immediately I entered the vehicle. 😴😴😴
When I woke up,  I found myself in a strange compound.  "Bia Chi, where are we? What is this place? " I asked.

The annoying girl and her 'black' fiance started laughing at me.😂😂 When they noticed  I was freaking out, Chi apologized and explained that they stopped by to pick up her fiance's younger sister, who was going to the market .  "Hope you're not angry?"She asked.
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Hian!  Angry bawo? Make I hear!  😦😦 I'm actually getting a free and comfortable ride back home... AC and all. 😂😂 who anger Epp Abeg?
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Me that nearly died in the morning, after boarding a vehicle filled with market women. You need to see how odours of all kinds were shamelessly competing inside the nonsense taxi.  Especially onions and fish.😢 😒😞Anger gbakwa oku!😂😂
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Just then, the guy's sister stepped out of the house to where the vehicle was parked, and ordered my friend to join me at the back seat of the vehicle. According to her,  she wants to sit in front. Inukwa! 😂😂😂
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My friend refused and told her to join me at the back instead. Her fiance also appealed to his sister to seat at the back.  He was like; "Ngo, you know Chi loves to seat in front with me. Please go to the back na. Abeg. Inugo? "😂
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I just kept quiet and was watching the smelling drama. Wetin concern me? Ees eet my fiance's car?  Adonkia o.  So far the bloody thing takes me to my destination. 😂😂😂
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We waited and waited. Sister Ngo  was still nagging. In my mind I was like;  Toh! All of us should kuku seat at the back,  so we can turn the guy to our driver na. WTF???  😂
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Then sister Ngo flared up properly .
"Nduka, stop supporting strangers. Your family is your family. Don't let your friends break the bond of  blood we share! " then,  she got into the back seat of the car,  🚗 and slammed the door so hard, that everyone else except her, cringed.
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Ha! O ga  o!  This our sister Ngo no get joy o. omo yi ma ti baje! 😡  Very joyless human being! So my village people want to use her to scatter the door of this beautiful vehicle that I've been flexing AC inside since? Hian! Devuu you are a Lai Mohammed!😈😈
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  While we were driving out,  sister Ngo kept murmuring on the way.  She was like; 
"I can't even chose where I want to sit in my brother's car again. No problem! "😂
She kept nagging to the extent my ears became full with her misyarn. I got mad.
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"See,  if you and your beloved brother drives down to his patner's house to pick her up,  when she comes,  you should take the back seat. It shows regard for the relationship they have and respect for your brother too!"
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Sister Ngo faced me o. "Oh! Even you! What is your business?is he now dating the two of you too? Mtcheew!" 
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I kept quiet. One voice in my mind was doing me Ntoor! calling me Special Adviser Oshi.😢
Finally, Na me use mouth buy work. What's my own? I'm I Chi?  The Chi sef didn't reply the stoopid geh.  She kept quiet, while I was busy forming speaker of the house. Nawa o. 😢😢
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All of a sudden, sister Ngo ordered her brother to stop the car,  and she got out. All attempts by her brother to placate her,  failed. She said he humiliated her by depriving her of the front seat. 😂😂😂
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As we continued our journey, my friend's  fiancee shocked me. He was like;  "Chi,  I feel  bad now. You could have just gone to the back and let her stay in front. When we drop her off at the market,  you can come to the front if you like. Seat na seat. Probably, she wanted to take a picture with the seat belt on. You know you ladies "😂😂😂
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Chi didn't even say a word.  Tueh! That my friend can be annoyingly  quiet! 😤😤. Tufia !
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"Oga seat is not seat . I don't care if she wanted to take a picture and put it on instagram  with the hash tag #JustChilling. Don't ever feel sorry for the decision you took o. I know you're feeling guilty  because your sister played the family card on you. Well, congratulations. You will soon be married,  and your wife will become you. Your family. A priority.
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Secondly,  I love the way you tried to handle the situation. It shows respect for your wife. Abeg don't spoil it. Seat is not seat mbok! Front seat is sweet! 😂 very sexy! 😂😂😂
it's better you begin early to drum it into the ears of any one who cares to listen,  that the front seat belongs to wifey ! Let your sister gaan lord over her own boyfriend's vehicle,  and leave somebody's child alone Biko! "I noted.
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Chi smiled. She was actually happy. All these fine quiet gehs sha. Na them dey marry lion. Us that wee be looking for lion upandan,  na dove we go dey catch. 😂😂😂
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Ooo chim! I'm still waiting for the fish brain that will Coman drag Mr. XYZ vehicle's  front seat with me. That day ehn,  I will 'chuk' hand inside your eye! Call me petty.  Na you sabi!  Yes the front seat is part of my fundamental Human Rights! Aswear 😂😂. Yelz, ees my right. Argue with your village people!
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See me that like to be doing love and whispering small small romantic sturvs into Mr XYZ ear on the way fa! One cow will now Coman spoil show for me just like that. Aunty are you high?  Can I kiss or play romance from the back ? Fear God  o!  😂😂
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Let me catch you first. When I'm done with you,  You will tell me if it's your laps and thighs he will unconsciously be rubbing while driving!
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Onye Ara!😈😈
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Penocrat Ayomide Kindness

I'm A Graduate

I needed to pick up something at Onitsha, so I decided to go down to the park, and board a vehicle. On getting there, I noticed a 7 seater Sienna and a bus, loading at the same time. Each vehicle, had just one passenger in them.
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The bus driver charged a hundred and fifty naira, while the Sienna driver charged two hundred naira. I looked at both vehicles. The Sienna looked more presentable and comfortable, compared to the bus that is an 18 seater. Kai... but the bus is cheap o.😂😂😂

Well, I decided to pay for the Sienna. My village people will not open my interior inside the public of igwe mmadu, because of 50 naira difference. On no account! Lemme join the Sienna team joor. Sienna lo sure ju!😂😂
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The passenger in the front seat, was a Chosen Mopo. Don't doubt me. Her lemon green apron and black scarf, sold her out. Very cheaply!
As we were chilling, two men carrying a bag of rice, came and joined us. They dropped their bag of rice in the vehicle's booth and entered. I was glad. Three more passengers to go. Then the driver came and dashed my hopes.

"  Onitsha by Sienna bu kwa 200 hundred naira o. No be 150. Na 200! Onye obuna  jidekwa change."
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Before I could say Jack, these two men had jumped down from our almighty Sienna, grabbed their bag of rice, and dumped it in the bus. I looked and noticed they were murmuring. From their discussion, the 200 naira T-fare, was like a million naira to them. They would rather die than lose 50 naira.😃😃
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I kept faith just like the Chosen Mopo woman, and earnestly prayed our vehicle gets filled up fast. As I ended my prayers, One Aunty came and joined our vehicle. She asked about the price, I told her. She dropped her bag on one of the seats in our Sienna, and stood at the entrance of the vehicle.
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Just then, the driver appeared again. " Onitsha by Sienna bu kwa 200 card o. Madam biko enter motor. No dey block road for other passengers. Enter motor. We go soon commot. Ehen! wey your money?"

Aunty lost it. " Which money? Motor don full? Abeg I go pay you. Make passenger dey come first. I never wan pay now." After talking, Aunty shifted from the entrance of the vehicle to its front door. Chosen Mopo was reading her bible. She cared less.

As we were all waiting , four other passengers came and joined the bus. Aunty became uncomfortable. She waited for some seconds, then picked her bag and went to sit in the bus. I felt really bad.
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Then again, two guys came and joined our Sienna. Aunty noticed our progress and rushed out of the bus, back into the Sienna. Hian! Wahala!😂😂😂

We waited for some minutes, nobody came. Then three people came and joined the bus. Apparently 200 naira really sounded like 200 million to anyone who cared to ask.😂😂
Aunty noticed the bus was having more people in it. This time, She dropped her bag on one of the seats and went to sit in the bus.
"Sister, I dey here o. "She shouted to me, as she left.
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Another woman joined the bus. Aunty came down, picked her bag from our Sienna and went back to the bus.😃😃🤣
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Another fine girl like me came along, and entered team Sienna.  Our driver started shouting: " Onitsha by Sienna, two to go! Two lucky chance. 200 naira only!!!"
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Aunty left her bag in the bus, came down, and stood in between the bus and the Sienna.  Another person joined the bus. Aunty noticed, but this time, she held her ground. Though it was obviously shaky.😂😂
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One other guy joined team Sienna and our driver intensified his shouting. " Onitsha !!! One lucky chance!!"
Yipee! Way to go!! Team Sienna!💪💪💪
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Aunt ran back to the bus picked her bag, and came and completed our Sienna. Yet, our driver kept shouting One Lucky chance, upandan. Aunty became disturbed. She started asking rhetorical questions.

" Kekwaanu ife o na e ti nu One chance One chance ehn? Motor e jugo nu na. Driver biko, bia na m ego a. Coman collect your money."😂😂
For where!!! Our driver kept shouting his one lucky chance o.😂😂
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Eventually, we saw him coming with one Oga laidat. On getting to the bus, Aunty handed him a 500 naira note, and demanded for change. The next thing we heard was ;
"Madam li tuo na motor a, before m mapu gi anya here!''😂
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Apparently, our driver was a child of anger. Who would have thought???😂😂  Aunty flared up and rained abuses on him. Our driver who also was a man of few words, held Aunty tightly, and dragged her out of the vehicle. Aunty went raving mad.
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" Useless man! Wife beater! Illiterate! Your mate dey office dey earn money. You dey road dey drive. Illiterate wey no go school!"😂😂😂

While she busied herself regaling our driver with assorted abuses, the bus was getting filled up. The driver started shouting; " Two lucky chance!!!"
When Aunty noticed, she grabbed her bag and made for the bus. Then the bus driver halted her in her tracks. He advised her to patiently wait for the next bus, or go else where. Aunty couldn't believe her ears.

" Abeg make una epp me see this two illiterates wey no get respect for woman o. Useless men! Una no get sense! Na the school wey una no go, dey disturb una.I am not in your level! I am a graduate!"😄😄

" Commot for here! This mad woman. No motor for this park go carry you. Na only you go school sef? My four children are graduates. Na this driving work I carry train them. Them no dey do like animal. Your own graduate be like say e different o.
Ehn... I no go school, but I don build house wey me and my family dey live. I don even build one for my village, with this my driver work. Wetin you get? Graduate wey dey craze. Commot for here!" The bus driver screamed at her.

After much pleas, our driver got into our vehicle, and drove off. The bus followed behind.
***************

I am a graduate! I am a graduate! 
Nigerians can fit intimidate with that comment ehn!!! And I will never understand why.😂😂

Most victims of these self acclaimed graduates are usually cleaners, cyclists, drivers, helps, gate men, auto mechanics, etc. Have it ever occurred to you that these people could be graduates too? The country is hard you know?

Get the fuck off your high horse!

Believe you me, People who brag with this Graduate senrenre after messing up, have nothing to offer aside their "graduate status"
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See ehn, School gives you bragging rights not sense. Not even money. Sometimes, not class sef. Just bragging rights.

Just because you were bumped to first chair in the orchestra, doesn't mean you can compose a symphony.

In other words... gracing the four walls of a university, doesn't guarantee intelligence.  Passing six is not passing sense mbok.
Intelligence is never measured by the number of academic qualifications one possesses . We could to an EXTENT, measure brilliance with it, but intelligence? Mba kwa o!
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You can still be very stupid and brainless, even with your Cambridge certificate. You better put your dry graduate egoistic self together, lets see road.😏😏

I'm a graduate. Your'e a graduate. Dangote just employed my cousin who has a masters degree, and Buhari is still your president. He's even chilling in London, while recession and heat is tanning you in Nigeria. 🤔🤔🤔

Maybe you and your smelling graduate self, should go chew on that!
*********
By the way, sleep has eluded their grandmother. Who did I offend?

Written by Penocrat Ayomide Ugonna.

Saturday, July 22, 2017

Drake wearing an African attire

Drake Looking like  an akwa ibom man that's  about to give testimony in deeper life

Monday, July 10, 2017

Roban Bread Must Be Very Sweet

I never knew old age was a very huge achievement, until two weeks ago,  when I walked into Roban stores to buy bread.
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On getting to the bakery section,  I was met with a heartbreaking queue. Hian!  Who did I offend?  So today of all days that I decided to taste this over hyped bread, that is when the entire city also remembered to eat 🍞 as well?
Village people o kaare Ooo!  I see una o. This conspiracy and gangup  is dope. 🙌
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After much ado,  I kuku respected my age and national ID number, and joined the excruciating queue. Village people cannot win me. Who no wan chop bread 🍞 of life?? 😂😂😂
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Before I knew it, a smallish elderly man,  joined the queue as well.  He was directly at my back. To help my ministry till e reach my turn,  I brought out my phone and began scrolling absentmindedly.
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Just then,  Oga screamed.
"Enough of all this rubbish!  I can't stand on this queue. I can't stand!  You people don't have respect  for elderly people. No you don't!  I can't stand here! "
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Goose pimples ran down my spine. I turned back to behold the smallish man with this kind of thunderous voice that almost gave me heart attack.  Then Oga faced me...
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"come, why are you looking at me?  Why??? Do you know me?  I'm I owing you?  You don't have respect!  That is why you can see an elderly  man and still stand in his front on the queue. Nigeria is a useless country! I can't stand here. I just can't stand!" He shouted again. 😂😂😂
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Hian! Lekwa'm e kpom shoe!  All these old people feeling like they've made it in life because they are old. E gbami! " Oga did I do anything wrong to you?" I asked. 😒
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"Are you deaf?  I said I can't stand on this queue! " He replied. 😂😂😂😂
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For my mind I was like: Toh!  Instead of shouting inside my ear as if I'm holding your destiny, kuku lie down for ground till e reach your turn na. No be must to stand. 😒😒
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You no get connection to buy bread. You no wan stand. You no even get good mouth to plead with people way dey front to help you collect ontop their own. You think say everything na by old age and ranting?
You never jam! Dey there dey form ancient of days.
You go old pass the old age way you dey claim today.😂😂Ooo chim!  All this old people with warped sense of entitlement sef.😂 😂
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Just then,  oga walked straight to the counter where one of the female bakers was standing. "My fren! Distribute this bread quickly  and let me get out of here!  This queue is not moving! I can't be standing on this queue. My fren move this queue!!!"😂😂😂
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My fren move this queue  bawo?😦😦😦😦😦 The  Aunty na towing van? Oya na!  😂😂😂
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The lady tried to pacify him, as per old man wen him be. She told him to exercise patience that the bread wasn't yet ready. Oga wan mad.😂😂
" You people have poor management  here. Seriously! Don't tell me that the bread isn't ready  Move this queue!"
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"Oga take it easy. The bread is not yet ready. " another person told him.
"You people don't understand. You don't know where I'm coming from. I can't stand! " He shouted back.
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Laugh wan tear my bra that day. Which kain wahala be this. Ontop ordinary bread fa!
People dey Facebook dey argue whether marriage na achievement or not. Mtcheew!
Old age 👵 is the real achievement mbok!
Go chew on that! 😂
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See how persin dey threaten us upandan with old age . Oga  Na only you be the old person wey dey for line? So as you old now,  Wetin you wan make I do? Turn my bra to sun glasses? 😂
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"You can't stand. You can't stand. Standing na anybody talent for here? Oga nobody is born a 'natural stander' no dey threaten us Abeg.
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Suddenly,  a male baker started distributing the loaves of bread accordingly. Oga ran to the front to collect bread. One joyless aunty come block am. "Mr. Man go and queue on the queue. I have been waiting for this bread.  I was here before you. You cannot chance anybody here.  We are not fools! We did not make you old!  "
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"Madam I am not your mate!  Don't talk to me laidat!  Don't!  If you don't respect your parents at home,  don't try it with me!"  The aunty kept quiet, collected her bread and left.
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Nawa o!  All this big big grammar  ontop bread?  This bread na really  bread of life o. It isn't an ordinary sontin. God Abeg o.
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The loaves of bread were remaining just two by the the time it was my turn. I collected both of them.  I looked at Oga's face. E don strong finish  like yesterday eba.  Oga eye me ehn.😂😂😂 wetin concern me?
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I carried my hot loaves and walked out jare.
O'n pe!😂😂
If na like that Methuselah  take bully Israelites, them for no write him name enter Bible. Mtcheew!
********************
Dear Old bullies,
The world doesn't revolve around you.
As in,  you people are not the centre of the universe. Una hear? 😈
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When you get into a place filled with young people,  be nice with your words. If you can't  queue, plead! Old age is not a ticket 🎫 to the good life. Nobody owes you nothing! 
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Stop playing the ' I am not your mate' card. No dey threaten us.
Our birth certificate no dey inside una bag!

Stop acting as if everything is owed you. 
Kill that unnecessary sense of entitlement.
Kill it! It only portrays you as a self absorbed overgrown and immature bully with a false sense of power!
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Think healthily!  Who old age don Epp?  All the abroad people are busy doing surgeries, workouts and different kinds of soft work on their bodies just to be forever young. Look at the president of France wife.  See her better flat tummy fa! 😂😂 at six four o. 👏👏👏👏
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While Nigerians are busy wearing the kain old age like a cloak of honor, and forming ancestors upandan.  Hian!  😏😏😏
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Nonsense and 1960!
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Penocrat Ayomide Kindness