jumia

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Photos From University of Maiduguri Bomb Blast

Emergency workers have evacuated body of a Professor and others to mortuary after Twin Bomb-Blast from suicide bombers in the University of Maiduguri, Borno State.The incident occured in a mosque near Gate 1, not the main Central Mosque, while the other explosion occured around Gate 5 of the same university.

The incident occurred during early morning Islamic Prayers, Subhi around 5am .Rescue and security officials have cordoned the areas while triage and casualty evacuation have been concluded.

Official from National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) and that of Borno State (BOSEMA) confirmed the evacuation of bodies of the Professor, a child and two bombers.

Monday, January 16, 2017

What is wrong with Nigerians?

What is wrong with Nigerians? Why is it that we have been battered so much that we don't believe in this country anymore?

What is wrong with us as a people that we see everything about Nigeria as bad and under developed? Were we brought up that way? (i was not).

Is it that we just don't like our selves or we take our frustrations out on self loathing? What is it?

How can we just decide that cos something is Nigerian, it is bad and won't function well? We see Nigerian made Fabrics and we hate it, Nigerian shoes, we hate them. Nigerian movies, we hate them(I am guilty of that). We have decided that anything from here is bad and evil and we even compare say West African countries are better.

I swear if I hear that again, I will flip the whole continent worships and are jealous of us and yet we go about hating ourselves cos we have problems.

I can remember during the Olympics and the Nigerian Basket ball team lost to the Americans. Twitter was filled with insults about how we sucked and then Ghanians came on and were joining. Me and a couple of Nigerians took care of that (good times).

Why is it that thing we see ain't enough? Some people even insult our Educational standards and that is funny. I have cousins studying abroad and they don't think so when I start reason, cos their education ain't that better, it is they are more exposed and their education just looks more polished noting else. I mean if our education is so bad, how come most of my lecturers have part-time jobs lecturing abroad? 

Now the biggest insult of all is when someone thinks South Africa is better than Nigeria in all RAMIFICATIONS. What the eff?

Can someone be more ignorant of where he is and what chances and opportunities he has at his fingertips?

Who's Your Favorite Nollywood Comic Actor?

Who's the funniest?

1. Chinwetalu Agu
2. John Okafor
3. Nkem Owoh
4. Imeh Bishop Umoh

Sunday, January 15, 2017

Female grooms man

What do you think of female grooms man?

How to find a wife in 3 months

Memo to Single men .

1. Women who are not Celibate ( Most Celibate women have had sex with more than 50 men and are trying hard to redeem their Vagina. Please don't fall for the celibacy trick. It is a calculated ruse to deceive men)
2.Women who wear two underwears a day 2B. Please run from women with unshaved armpit.

3. A Woman who has never committed an abortion
4. Women who don't snapchat during service
5. Women who don't use the hopeless 'Dog snapchat filter' 5B. Any woman who doesn't look exactly like her Social Media Pictures should be dumped immediately.
6. A woman who doesn't own an IPhone (This is rare but a calculated strategy to spot a woman u can marry immediately)
7. Send 40 DMs a week (Send the Messages don't be scared)
8. Any woman whose page is locked is not ready for marriage ( She is obviously hiding something)
9. A woman who responds to DMs should be first on your list for consideration (It means she is looking for friendship)

10. Stay away from Single ladies around Lekki Phase 1, Oando Filling Station Round about Lekki, Surulere, Imo State, Asokoro, Gwarinpa, Maitama and Wuse 2 Abuja. ( If you must date them please ask for their source of income, Lekki Phase 1 is the head quarters for Runs girls)
11. Any woman who calls her self a Makeup artist should not be taken seriously. Everyone is a make up artist nowadays even my self @dokunolumofin ( Unserious women) The likes of Banke, Oshewa etc are renowned MUAs. They are Professionals not the self acclaimed MUAs.
13. Any woman who cannot go a year without a gift from you should be dumped immediately.
14. A lady with hair net around the house and nasty dirty towel wrapped around her body like a village woman should be dropped instantly (we are in the 21st century for chrissake!)
15. Women who use more than 1hour to make up should not be considered.
16. Do not marry a woman who practises only Missionary style during sex (variety is the spice of life).
17. My Top Recommended States with Best Wives (Ogun, Ondo, Osun, Anambra, Enugu, Ekiti, Kaduna, Adamawa, Calabar, Bayelsa, Katsina, Borno, Rivers, Edo, Akwa Ibom)

Types Of Baby Mamas

The out-of-wedlock mother or "baby mama" as we casually refer to these women is a stigma in many cultures, especially in our beloved country Nigeria.

We often hear people refer to these women condescendingly with remarks like; "Shut up you stupid baby mama!", "Baby mama you too dey talk!", "Who gave this prostitute of a baby mama the right to speak?", "Who dash this one voice?", "Hopeless baby mama!", "Is baby mama now a business?"
baby mama

The condescending attacks on these out-of-wedlock mothers can be relentless and outright brutal.

In my opinion, they are 3 types of baby mamas, the commercial baby mamas, who deliberately and strategically sleep with a rich or powerful man during their ovulation period to cash in on a quick buck. The second type of baby mama is the "accidental baby mama" who slept with a man or boyfriend, without the proper use of contraception. I am not a big fan of the first type of baby mama.

The first kind of baby mama are the ones who go as far as self-insemination post coitus just to get pregnant. This phenomenon of self-insemination is quite common in the United States of America, where football and basketball players are victims of this scheme hence getting trapped into paying child support for 18 years. As for the second type of baby mama, I can't fault her, because she was having fun with her partner or man and mistakenly got pregnant. The third type of “Baby Mother” is the ‘STUPID BABY MOTHER’ who stupidly has 5 children or 4 kids with 4 of 5 different men. I recommend she sees a psychologist. If you take a holistic view at the 3 scenarios some women have terminated more than their fair share of unwanted pregnancies and to prevent future accidental pregnancies I would advise a conscious use of contraception.

 In conclusion, let me pose this question; Who is worse? The "commercial baby mama" or "the accidental baby mama"? no need asking about the "stupid baby mother" the word stupid says its all. The commercial baby mamas are worse.

By @dokunolumofin

On Being An Atheist

In my secondary school, I was an atheist and for a lot of reasons. I was(am) very inquisitive and I like knowing completely every aspect of the poo I am in so I understand the laws that governs it. 

My questions bothered on a lot of stuff
* Pastors and everyone loves to talk about how scientifically accurate the Bible is and crap like that but really is it? Did Joshua not tell the sun and the moon to stand still? Now right here is a major law cos hell the sun ain't moving and telling a body that is not moving to keep still is a fallacy. Some might think this was in a way of an expression but that's a lie. It was line with the prevalent thought that the each was the center of the universe and other bodies moved around it. It was wrong and that's just silly.

* I have;had a big problem with God. Seriously, He created the world right? But can you pre-exist the beginning? I guess you can bit can you pre-exist your beginning? That is a question a lot of people have not answered. Who/what created God? That is a billion dollar question which religious folks run from cos to them, you should not dig into such well I intend to. If everything has a beginning, then he too is subject to that.

* Job: we all know his story, he was faithful and trusted God and then, the devil tested him and then he held strong and he was blessed and everyone lived happily ever after right? Bullshyt. That book should be burnt outta the bible. I dont think the information there was accurate. To me, its a mere story to make men believe cos if it was true, then we are in for a really rough and effed up life.

When the devil was told to test Job, he was told not to kill him right? But his sons and daughters were fair game in a bet between God and the devil? Does that mean God does not actually care about kids cos they seem to be expendable and collateral damage.

During the Israelites conquest of the "promise land", God told them to kill every living thing in the are including innocent women and children. Seriously, then you are saying a God which is so loving is so "terrible" I think not.

*Bring the catholic conquest of the "holy land" you need to read that accounts of these wars, these so called holy men huddled innocent women and children and killed them just cos they were Muslims and yet they were fighting a God which in contrary to John 3:16.

I guess at some point, I decided to discard certain histories and left some books in the bible itself out of my beliefs.

The Little Things That Annoy Me (My Pet Peeves)

Isn't it funny, the little things that annoy us? I have heard some weird and I have weird stuff that annoy me too.

I hate it when people argue wrongly. Having an opinion is one thing but insisting on something that is wrong is just crap.

I hate it when people press toothpaste from the top or center. What the eff is wrong with passing the paste from the bottom?.

I hate it when someone else arranges my stuff. It is annoying and that's the best way to get those little things lost. My room is a mess? Leave it, there is a reason I left it that way(that's perhaps why I can't have a roommate).

If you wanna go through my phone, you are free to. Read my conversations, check out the pictures and videos, but why in the world must you move pictures from one folder to another? That's just annoying.

The laptop is mine and I like the desktop picture just fine, stop changing the theme of my phone or the pic on my laptop's desktop. They make a statement.

If you walk into a closed room, close the darned door behind you. Dont you think there is a reason it is locked?

Dont open my pot when I am cooking, it is rude and annoying.

Stay the hell out of my foodstuffs. If you want something, ask and I will give it to you. Why dont people get this?

I dont mind if you read my sms, but when a new one ones in, please tell me. If you open it, it becomes "read" and I won't know I have a new message.

Dont browse with my phone without my permission. What? I paid for the data bundle for a reason for goodness sake.

When you access your mailbox, or Facebook account with my phone, please dont forget to click on LOGOUT when you finish and please stop saving your password and username on my phone. 

Dont call me my full name(first middle and surname) it jolts me to attention and pulls me out of whatever I am doing as I think there is something wrong.

Dont call me on extra-cool except you have something important to say or we have discussed it earlier. I dont sleep I know but that does not mean I wanna talk on the phone.

If you call me three times and I dont pick up, its either i dont wanna talk with you or I am busy, both ways, I still won't pick up. Blowing up my phone will only infuriate me.

I am a science student, dont give me info without backing it up with proof. I might just decide to dis-prove your theory.

Cos you are older does not mean you are wiser. It just means what it is, you have seen more days than me.

If I am with you, its because I want to stop asking me if I would rather be somewhere else.

Dont do something and blame the devil. Accept responsibility and lets move on. It is just silly shifting the blame.

Being Perfect

Dont ever try to be perfect for someone and dont ever try to find the perfect person. Reason is that we are humans and the only way we can be perfect is if we embrace our imperfections cos that's what makes us perfect.

I dont chase women. Call it some kind of impatience but I see a lady that can't think and make a decision about a guy asking her out as mentally and emotionally weak and so, asking a girl out over and over again to me is pointless.

I dont talk when I am angry. Most people take this for holding a grudge but seriously, no one wants to hear me talk when I am angry as I speak fire and I dont like it.

I dont lie, I think it is a flaw cos it also mean I am not diplomatic 

I always display my emotions hence people ride over it. It just one of those things.

I dont know how to share. Not personal stuff but a spouse. I get jealous you might say but not violence. The day you cheat on me and I find out is the day we break up. Dont try to explain why cos I won't even consider it.

I get moody sometimes and I need time alone. Most times you dont get to know as I will put on a straight face and deal with them on my own. Its just carry-over emotions from the past that I can't get over.

I hate it when people talk during movies. I love catching words from the actors and so, shush.

If I like you, I like you. There is not much that can make me unlike you.

This is embarrassing to admit (as a guy) I like cuddling. Yeah I said it, sue me.

And i can't cry more like I dont. I dont show emotional weakness. It has to do with my childhood and someday I might share it here. 

If you try to hurt me, I will shut you out of my head and heart. Bot that I said try reason being that I dont think I can get hurt. That's just my view and it might be false but I really doubt it.

And I forgive without you asking but I rarely forget. Dont tell me they go hand-in-hand cos they dont. Forgiveness is me not holding a grudge against you and becoming friends with you and not forgetting is not turning my back on you or giving you the chance to do the same thing again.

Search For A Girlfriend

Okay search for Girlfriend.

"To be loved, you have to be lovable" that is a nice statement and do I think I am lovable? If I answer in the affirmative, I would be the biggest liar in the world.

Seriously, I am the most un-lovable person ever. I might be gentle and compassionate and all those but I am also the most scacarstic a-hole I know.

In my list of faults, includes the fact that I dont have the stomach for someone trying to play me, I like strong people who know what they want. I am not going to ask a girl out and continue disturbing her for 3 months. Hell no 2 weeks is the maximum and I am out even it you are in my eyes, the most beautiful woman ever.

I dont like people who are not smart(eff, I joke a lot and there is no way in hell I intend to explain every joke I tell).

I am fairly romantic whatever the hell that means.

And oh how can I forget, i also have an ANTIQUATED SENSE OF MORALITY that was what my cousin told me when I said I can't go on a date with a girl without informing my Girlfriend.

I like my privacy sometimes as I just like putting the lifts off and listening to music noting else. And I dont go through people's phones except their media. Why do people go through other people's messages? 

My mum once said that if you go snooping, you should not complain if you find somethings in-appropriate. I would not scoop around your phone and if you want to go over my phone, I will gladly give it to you(I dont hide things).

I can be with you for hours non-stop. People always think that is a lie. I mean is that so hard to imagine? I am good company, I will stay with you the whole day gisting and making you laugh. I am not always moody.

I can chat with you for 24 hours straight as long as it is not 2go or Facebook chat. Whatsapp; YIM, Gtalk and the rest, you are the one that will get tired.

I can switch between conversations, that I find easy cos I am good with a lot of topics. And I am good at turning words around.(learnt that when I was young. Everyone took me for the lawyer type).

I dont lie. Seriously, I dont. 
When I was in SS3, I wrote a piece on lies and why people lie and I came to one conclusion, people lie because of fear. You are afraid that if you dont lie, there are certain consequences that you will faced so you tend to avoid the consequence by lying. Eg, why would a guy lie to his girl about he cite neighbour? Cos he is scared she will leave him.

Next one, I tell the truth. This should go without saying but when I say I tell the truth, believe me, I tell it BLUNTLY. I dont sugar coat thing and if I tell you I like you, I do and if I don't.

I am incapacitated by a crying girl(which guy is not?) but your tears is not enough to make me go against my rules that's just silly. It might make me weak enough to look for an alternative for you but won't change me.

And contrary to everyone's believes, I dont get mad. Shocking right? What's the point of getting mad? Anger clogs the mind and you can't think straight and I love thinking straight. It gives me an edge.

I dont hold grudges, I'd rather leave you and totally ignore you cos I dont want to give you a way to repeat what you have done but I would not hold a grudge.

I forgive almost immediately, its pointless not to. You have done it why should I wait for you to come and say sorry before I forgive you? I will still forgive you anyway so I might just do myself some good and call you up telling you I dont like what you did so you would not do it again.

I never fall back on my word. If I say I will do it, I will if I say I won't *laughs* noting will change me.